1. You break the stack of crates. Nothing is behind them. When you return to the scene, a bored police officer is taking notes. You feign ignorance regarding any recent acts of vandalism in the area. Later on the crate company installs cctv and puts up a misleading sticker about guard dogs.
2. You open the giant crate. It contains an apple. You send a strongly-worded letter to the authorities about pacakaging efficiency. Future crates are delivered at a more appropriate size for their contents. Now nobody can climb on a crate to get over things unless they have ordered a patio table set, and secret entrances hidden behind crates can only be entered by mice. Patio table set sales skyrocket, and a number of small cafes are set up in difficult-to-climb regions with the excess stock.
3. You smash the crate. Behind it you find a fork-lift truck. Behind the fork-lift truck you find a fork-lift truck operator making a phone call on her break. Behind the fork-lift truck operator you find the entrance to the warehouse. You realise that you are not a fantasy hero after all. Time to get back to work and hope nobody notices the damage.
4. You break the crate. Inside are fifty plastic dinosaur multipack toys. You sit and play with the dinosaurs for a little while. It replenishes fifty percent of your health and increases your knowledge of plastic dinosaur anatomy by two points, which will come in handy in the final battle.
5. You push the crate to the wall and climb on top of it. On top of the crate you find the words ‘this way up’ and ‘handle with care’ stamped in black ink. The crate is not that way up. A red liquid slowly seeps from one of the bottom corners. Two hundred punnets of strawberries quite ruined.
6. You are a crate manufacturer. You raise questions about the sustainability of your operations in fantastic realms. Not only does each crate have a limited lifespan, but because of no logging rules in fantastic realms all of the wood used in making the crates is imported from non-fantastic realms. Also, it is uncertain who is paying you. You abandon the fantastic arm of your business due to cashflow issues. Evil overlords everywhere rejoice.
7. You hit the crate with an axe. The crate says ‘ow’. It is a crate from the land of the talking trees. You apologise profusely and offer to carry the crate to tree hospital. At the tree hospital there is a long queue of crates accompanied by people like you. You feel ashamed. A few weeks later, a motion is debated in the tree parliament about the danger from axe hooligans and a task force is established.
8. You reach the hall of the evil overlord. In a stunning twist of fate, the evil overlord is a giant crate. The overlord uses its anger about your callous treatment of its people to focus its magic powers. It becomes undefeatable.
9. Your job is to follow the chosen one with your specially-modified van, replacing any crates they might happen to break once a suitable time period has passed. One day there is flooding at the depot and your usual delivery does not come through. You leave the van parked by your first stop while you phone head office to try and sort this out. The chosen one comes by and takes an axe to your van. You quit, and the dented van becomes an easter egg. Next easter, thousands of children recieve a van instead of the chocolate they were expecting. But by this time you have hit upon an alternative business smuggling health replenishment materials to non-fantastic realms and you have quite forgotten your former work.
10. You go the wrong way until you reach the edge of the world. You hit the edge of the world with an axe. Gradually, you knock a hole in it. Now that the light is shining in, you can see that you were in fact inside a giant crate. A whole new bigger brighter world awaits you on the outside.
Ten crates
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