so voldemort is technically a lich, right? splitting your soul and putting bits of it in objects, those are phylacteries, and he’s a lich, and also a really bad one because he split himself up way too much and also dumped part of his soul into a literal child, what the hell tom.
anyway i can’t get out of my head a scenario in which the kiddos are eating dinner in the great hall and suddenly there’s a raven on the headmaster’s table. and then a second. and then a third, and a fourth, and then there’s a handsome man in a long cowled robe striding in through doors that certainly did not open for him. he stops at the eagle-eyed podium and says, in the worst british accent that britain has ever seen, “are you dumbledore?”
and dumbledore says “yes.”
and the man nods and says. “excellent. i’ve been told you know one thomas riddle?”
there’s a pause this time. then, “yes.”
“do you have a moment?”
he does. and so does mcgonagall, and also snape, and before they adjourn to the headmaster’s space this man looks out over the sea of confused and awestruck upturned faces and picks out a boy with bright green eyes and a scar and says, “what’s your name?”
“harry,” says the boy.
“harry,” the man repeats, and his voice is almost gentle, because this boy reminds him of another little boy he knows, one who has also seen far too much for his age. “my name’s kravitz. would you come with us?”
he does. hermione and ron don’t let him go alone. and instead of harry’s horcrux being the last to go, it’s the first; part of being a reaper is dealing with souls, and prying a parasitic soul from a young, clean one is easy work. important work. after that day, harry’s scar never hurts again.
anyway what i’m saying is: reaper trio cross-country road trip along magical britain to find and destroy the horcruxes, and then voldemort. because that is, technically, their job.
kravitz, staring at the new assignment scroll: er.
lup, snatching scroll from kravitz: what is it lemme se— oh boy
barry, leaning over lup, with professional interest: hm. uh, well this is a disgrace to the profession. this is uh, some real amateur work, boy, this is a real hack job we’re comin’ in to fix. Like uh, the whole splitting the soul into seven—
kravitz, taking the scroll back, incredulous: seven?!
lup: you gotta admire the tenacity, skeletor.
kravitz, even more incredulous: why seven!!
barry, getting real academic for a moment, taking the scroll and scanning it: well, some people want reassurance about you know, sustaining things. But it’s a lot easier to just have backup bodies. This is kind of….actually this is kind of creative?
kravitz: no!!!!!
barry: oh wait nevermind he stuck part of it in a kid?? Jeez. That’s gross as all hell.
i just cant get over the lobster scene. like his friends are actively begging him, do not get into the lobster tank. please eddie. tom hardy you were in mad max fury road dont do this. and tom hardy looks at his friend like “i know i shouldnt do this. i shouldnt be getting into this lobster tank but i’m going to anyway. i’m already mostly inside. cant stop now. i’m sorry i dont want to be doing this either there’s just no other choice for me.” and then he takes a bg bite out of a live lobster that’s still in the shell and everything.
tom hardy doesn’t actually know he’s being possessed by an alien yet in the story. he’s just resigned himself to whatever fucking meltdown he seems to be having. he doesn’t even seem particularly surprised that things have gone this way for him. like ten minutes later he finds out his heart stopped working and hes just like “you asshole” and he throws his alien parasite against the wall like a water balloon. and then he just leaves and is immediately kidnapped. what a fucking wild ride tom hardy is on.
tom hardy’s actual superpower is being the exact same level of dysfunctional no matter what is happening in his life. so when everything’s going ok for him he self-destructs spectacularly, but when literally everything that can happen to a human being happens to him, he does, like, unrealistically well. climbing into a lobster tank and eating a live animal with large claws just like… “well, this is what’s happening to me today. i’m so sorry you have to watch this, man. anyway here goes, i’m going to bite into a living creature with my human mouth and then LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS”
this movie’s fucking killing me from the inside.
IT WASNT EVEN IN THE SCRIPT TOM HARDY IS JUST A FUCKING GENUINE MADMAN
wonder what the fire lords before Sozin were like.
Well, the symbols that are drawn with the profile elude to what major thing they did in their life.
The first dude with the flowers behind him, I’m no expert, but I’d imagine he was rather peaceful, friendly, promoted peace throughout the land. Maybe the type of flower symbolizes something more.
The top center dude has stars, one at his feet and one in his hand. Perhaps he was a great leader and provided guidance for his people (more so than the other firelords) because the stars are used to guide you through the night. Or perhaps he was a guidance in regard to education, promoting learning and knowledge among his people. Or still, it has to do with the invention of using the stars as a map. Or a lot of progress was made in astrology under his ruling.
Sozin we pretty much know already. There’s the comet over his head, but also a scroll in his hand, and an army at his feet. The army probably alludes to him being a militant leader. Perhaps he built up the army’s forces. The scroll, I’m thinking either two things. He wrote a lot of rules, or he wrote a lot in general.
Azulon is standing on a cloud on a turtle-snake. No clue what that would symbolize. Maybe someone who was highly praised and worshiped like a saint. Idk.
Ozai is seen with gears and pipes at his feet eluding to the industrial growth the firenation experienced under his rule. It’s interesting that his palms are facing towards you unlike the others. Maybe that has to do with being more forceful and less merciful, and the fire in his hands is black. Idk what that would mean.
In Confucianism, a great leader is said to be one who is like the north star; in a static position that everything rotates around; such a man is stable and virtuous, and guides men to be such my example, not by force. The top center man probably didn’t rule with a heavy hand, but was revered for his personal virtue, and was a role model for his subjects, hence the Sun itself at his feet and standing on the clouds like a heavenly figure.
Sozin had a long peaceful reign before the war, so the scroll probably denotes him as a law giver, like Justinian or Lycurgus. It could be a similar convention to someone holding stone tablets like Moses. Azulon is standing on the back of a turtle; an animal that lives on both land and water. It was Azulon who launched the raids on the southern water tribe and conquered most of the territory in the Earth Kingdom. He was also considered to be legendarily skilled at Firebending even among Fire Lords, hence the two fireballs in his hands.
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