modern greek mythology adaptation where hades and persephone are played by john mulaney and his wife
She’s hades, he’s Persephone
Oh no, no. John Mulaney is 100% Hades.
Loves his wife
Is actually pretty chill except when it comes to stupid people
Can’t stand up for himself when others try to do him wrong
And from what we hear about her, she’s very Persephone.
Easy to underestimate
Knows her own mind
Will cut you
“So, I meet this wonderful lady. Just fantastic, my heart does that thing where it’s skipping beats, and I – all of you think I’m going to talk about how I suavely asked her out, and that is not what happened.
“I ride up in my chariot, and the first – this is literally the first thing I say to her is ‘do you want to meet my dog’?
“And this – I – this is a sign that this woman is my soul mate – she looks at her friends hanging around and says, ‘sure, catch you later, guys’.
“I’m going to skip forward here a couple of dates – no, don’t – this is not the story of how my wife met my dog – and her mom – her mom – finds out she’s seeing me. Now I know everyone jokes about how a girl’s dad is this big, hulking – going to hunt you down if you’re dating his daughter and he doesn’t like you. But if you say that, it’s because you’ve never had some girl’s mom glaring up at you from like – her mom’s like two inches taller than her, so this little furious glare from around my chin area, saying her daughter’s not allowed to come see me anymore.
“And this – okay, this is when I knew I was going to marry this girl, she looks at her mom and, cool as anything, says, ‘Too late, mom. I met his dog, ate dinner over here. I’m staying’.”
pixar really had to hardcore yank tony’s ‘i smoke a line of cocaine behind the school dumpster during second period’ character design to replace it with a facetuned love interest from a disney channel original movie . u already kno some pixar director mustve went back to the source material and noticed tony’s busted ass face and they had to scrap that shit immediately . he was literally too ugly to allow even a trace of his original face associate w/ the masterpiece they were abt to be making . rebooted his whole ass face then gave him his dark turtleneck and called it a day smh . mess
i’m screaming at the people reblogging this and saying that new tony is generic and old tony had some “character” like why do you people think that a man being ugly means he has personality . tony circa 2004 looks like he’d piss in the bushes outside your mom’s house and new tony looks like he’d wait 57 minutes for his food at a restaurant and still be nice to the waiter because they’re “just doing their best”. accept that pixar pulled the gag of the century and gave us the tony we deserve
Context: Our party consists of a Teifling Sorceress, Elf Bard, a unknown figure, a Human Monk and a Aasimar Paladin. We’re currently trying to run from the law and are finding our way to a nearby city by going through the underground tunnels.
DM: So now that you’ve finished with that battle you hear hurried foot steps coming around the corner—
Paladin (Ooc): *saying loudly* I DONT CARE WHATEVER IT IS I WANT TO SEDUCE IT!!!
Dm: —*staring blankly* And it was our new party member, JoJo the Monk.
Everyone expect our Paladin: SO YOU’LL SEDUCE IT HUH????
Paladin: *currently dying on the sofa, dropping dice.*
I just thought about this today and dug through my pictures to find it: a letter from a black soldier in the Civil War to the person who owns his daughter. “The longer you keep my child from me the longer you will have to burn in Hell and the quicker you will get there.“
photo text (with corrected spelling and broken into sentences, paragraphs):
Letter from a Black Soldier to the Owner of His Daughter
Spotswood Ric, a former slave, writes to Kittey Diggs, 1864:
I received a letter from Cariline telling me that you say I tried to steal, to plunder, my child away from you. Not I want you to understand that Mary is my Child and she is a God given rite of my own.
And you may hold on to her as long as you can. But I want you to remember this one thing, that the longer you keep my Child from me the longer you will have to burn in hell and the quicker you’ll get there.
For we are now making up about one thousand black troops to come up thorough, and want to come through, Glasgow. And when we come woe be to Copperhood rebels and to the Slaveholding rebels. For we don’t expect to leave them there. Root nor branch. But we think however that we (that have children in the hands of you devils), we will try your the day that we enter Glasgow.
I want you to understand Kittey Diggs that where ever you and I meet we are enemies to each other. I offered once to pay you forty dollars for my own Child but I am glad now that you did not accept it. Just hold on now as long as you can and the worse it will be for you.
You never in you life before I came down hear did you give children anything, not anything whatever, not even a dollars worth of expenses. Now you call my children your property. Not so with me.
My children is my own and I expect to get them. And when I get ready to come after Mary I will have both a power and authority to bring her away and to exact vengeances on them that holds my Child.
You will then know how to talk to me. I will assure that. And you will know how to talk right too. I want you now to just hold on; to hear if you want to. If your conscience tells that’s the road, go that road and what it will bring you to Kittey Diggs.
I have no fears about getting Mary out of your hands. This whole Government gives cheer to me and you cannot help yourself.
Source: Ira Berlin, ed. Freedom, A Documentary History of Emancipation, 1861-1867. Cambridge: Cambridge University, 1982, 690.
I wanted to find out what happened (DID HE GET HIS DAUGHTER BACK?) and the answer is that not only was he reunited with his family, but went on to be a successful minister and his daughter was interviewed in the 30s for the Slave Narratives Project.
today a regular customer came into my store and told me she’d ‘finished candy crush’ and tbh i didnt think that was possible. i thought it just generated levels forever, but apparently it has 4000 odd levels and it took her 4 years to complete. she even emailed them asking when there would be more levels and they told her she could play their other games or replay the existing levels jklsdkflsdf
the only true gamer
I WAS GOING TO DRAW HIM BREAKING THROUGH THE WALL INSTEAD BUT KJSHFJKDHG
fight me bich
IS HE FOR REAL ABOUT TO FIGHT THIS 13 YEAR OLD? Yes. Yes he is
i was watching infinity war with my family and when thanos was using the stones to wreck everyone on titan, my mother, who is a 41-year old, tiny 5′0 filipino woman, said something very solemnly in our language that can be translated roughly to: “that tricky thanos. probably only i could defeat him”
This Is a Backup Blog 