okay so because i literally have to EXPLAIN why hitting your child is wrong, here we go:
it causes pain to the child
it teaches the child that those who love you will hurt you if it’s for ‘your own good’, normalizing abusive that could later end up in being in an abusive relationship, and even in some cases abusing others.
teaching your child to fear you is not teaching them right from wrong.
there are countless other ways to reprimand your child without harming them.
it is emotionally damaging as well as physically damaging.
the kid can grow to fear adults and authority figures in general.
the mindset that violence is okay
you are HURTING your child.
im so tired of people trying to defend their abuse by saying they are doing it with ‘best interest’ or that it’s ‘discipline’
Oh sorry. I made another, more accurate graphic. In case anyone was still confused.
Are you gonna draw another Venn diagram showing the overlap of abusers in BDSM?
made a better one
But abusive BDSM isn’t legit BDSM…?
yall gotta understand that abuse is a huge problem in the bdsm community it happens, and the abusers use the defense of ‘it was bdsm’ and it’s unacceptable theres an overlap there that needs to be acknowledged within the community before we can move on and work on helping victims
Arguments like the one above are examples of the No True Scotsman fallacy—the idea that a member of a certain group or movement who does something reprehensible obviously wasn’t a real member of that group or movement.
It’s a common argument on tumblr—“racist/transphobic/ableist/etc feminists aren’t real feminists,” “Bigoted Christians aren’t real Christians,” etc, as well as in this context.
It’s an understandable move to want to dissociate the ideals of a group from those who do the opposite of what the group is supposed to stand for, but in the end, this argument deflects the responsibility of acknowledging and dealing with this kind of problem.
Recognizing that there can be bigoted, judgmental Christians, narrow-minded exclusionary feminists, abusive practitioners of BDSM—even if these people don’t live up to what those groups are supposed to represent—is pretty crucial in dealing with these kinds of situations.
“Statistics show that 1 in 4 women in the US is a victim of domestic violence, those numbers jump to 1 in 2 if they are married to a cop.
Law Enforcement officers beat their significant other at nearly double the national average. Several studies, according to Diane Wetendorf, author of Police Domestic Violence: Handbook for Victims, indicate that women suffer domestic abuse in at least 40 percent of police officer families. For American women overall, the figure is 25 percent, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”
I see the words “I know he would never hit me/physically harm me” in a lot of letters I get. Far more than I could ever, ever, ever answer or publish.
Those words break my heart, every time, because the people who write them are offering them up as an example of how the relationship can be saved and how I shouldn’t judge their partner too harshly. They mean “he’s not ABUSIVE-abusive (even though he does all these abusive and controlling things to me). I’m not like those abused women, I would leave if someone actually hit me.”
They break my heart because the letter writers have had to do the calculus, the calculus called Would He Hit Me? and they offer the answer up as proof that he wouldn’t but all I can see is proof that he almost did, that he’s thinking about it, that he’s a week or a year or a hair’s breadth away from it.
It’s proof that she’s thinking about it, too, that she’s had to do the math. Nathan wouldn’t hit you, but he’d punch a wall in front of you, so you can see the force of how his fists slam into things., so you can see how hurt his hand is afterward, so you know that the damage is your fault.
When I read those words about how the partner doesn’t harm or hit, I can hear the echo of the guy saying them, too, like “Well, it’s not like I physically hurt you! Come on! Be reasonable (and do what I say)!“
(Mentioning how “at least you don’t hit” someone kinda sorta exactly like reminding them that you could hit them, that you might hit them, that hitting them is on the list of possible things that could happen, you are a fucking goddamn hero of a man for making the difficult heroic choice not to. omeone saying this to you should always make the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and prompt you to look around for the exits).
And then the letters, like your letter, contain the most heartbreaking question of all, which is how, how can I be better/fix it/make it right/not make him scary and angry anymore. How can I be perfect (give up caffeine), how can I show him (check in with him by cell phone every time I change locations or company) that I’m worthy?
Because the abuser-logic has worked. “When you make mistakes it’s your fault, when I make mistakes (like scaring you) it’s also your fault.” Someone doesn’t have to physically hurt you to harm you.
People in non-abusive relationships don’t have to do this constant calculus. Non-abusive dudes don’t get described as “intimidating” by their girlfriends, because non-abusive dudes, even the big strong burly ones who might look pretty intimidating to a stranger don’t intimidate their girlfriends. They don’t punch walls, or throw things, or put 10,000 tiny conditions around everything, or monitor their movements or their phones. When those dudes feel lonely, they fucking call a friend, or they muddle through those lonely feelings. Non-abusive dudes don’t pat themselves on the back for not hurting women, because it doesn’t occur to them to hurt women.
every woman I know who’s been abused has said this at some point. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
and not to get too personal with you lot but I remember being seven years old and telling a girl on the playground how much I hated it when my dad kicked the shit out of me, and responding to her look of horror with “No, don’t worry, it’s not like he actually ABUSES me! I deserve it honestly, sometimes I don’t do my chores.”
and how normal that felt
and how easy it must have been for my mother to go from “well at least he doesn’t hit me” to “at least he doesn’t hit me too often” to “well at least I can usually stop him from hitting the kids” to “oh my god why didn’t you tell me, why didn’t you tell me he was doing that to you while he was still here? I would have left oh my god my poor babies”
that’s abuse. you normalise every fucking step until it stops, because you have to survive in that situation.
please oh god please get out if you can. before he starts hitting you.
don’t let this become your normal.
(via thedatingfeminist) ^^ This. I am slowly coming to realize that I should have NEVER had to do that math. EVER. It does not come all at once, in one watershed moment, but with trickles and drops of realization. He did, of course, eventually hit me. But even then, I rationalized it. He just broke the table, then pinned me against a wall and held a knife to my throat, making me beg for my life; he didn’t, like *really* hit me. It was only that *one* time. He only *threatened* to kill me that other time. He just kept trying to close the bedroom door and I had to keep it open because I wanted our neighbors to be able to hear me if he started to hit me. And it wasn’t until I was away from him, months later, here, that I realize that I should NEVER have to do that kind of thinking. I should NEVER have to worry about my neighbors hearing my screams of help and calling the cops on the man who LOVES ME. (via paintalchemy)
We deserve so much better.
We deserve to never be afraid of someone who claims to love us.
They break my heart because the letter writers have had to do the calculus, the calculus called Would He Hit Me? and they offer the answer up as proof that he wouldn’t but all I can see is proof that he almost did, that he’s thinking about it, that he’s a week or a year or a hair’s breadth away from it.
It’s proof that she’s thinking about it, too, that she’s had to do the math.
and
People in non-abusive relationships don’t have to do this constant calculus.
This is one of the first poems in Århundradets kärlekssaga. "If this bout of drinking isn’t the last / then I’ll go / if this awfulness starts to get to the children / then I’ll go / if he starts to lie to me / then I’ll go / if he hits me / then I’ll go / if the children can’t take it any more / then I will have to / and all these things happened / and I didn’t leave.“ That was the most shattering book of poetry I ever read.
Ok but there is a difference between women consenting to do sex work and underage teens being forced, manipulated and taken advantage of by adults and pimps.
One is sex work while the other is sex slavery.
If you know someone needs help getting out of unsafe situations this is a list of resources for underage teens.
im really sorry if this are distressing to anyone but ive just had a fight with my dad, the first photo is immediately after he repeatedly punched me in the face and body, the second and third photos are ive managed to lock myself in a room. the second photo shows how he grabbed my jumper and tore it when he dragged me across the floor, the third photo shows the swelling in my nose and face 20 minutes after. my mother has taken all the money ive saved up from my jobs and i cannot afford a taxi to a friends. i need someone in the glasgow area who i trust to come and get me, i know this is so much to ask but i cant stay here any longer, please help me
This Is a Backup Blog 