sometimes people try to tell me that scientists are paragons of rationality and I have to break it to them that I have yet to work in a lab that didn’t have at least one weird secret shrine in it
new guy: why is all of the equipment in this room covered in toys?
me: dONn’t touch those
new guy:
me: they need the toys to function. if they don’t all have toys they get jealous.
new guy:
new guy:
me: when something breaks just take the wizard and wave it around for a while. they seem to like that.
Context: Our party had gone through a series of difficult trials to meet a deity who could see all time and would answer one question per player. My character asked if he will find his soul mate and the deity said that soon he would meet his soul mate.
Me to the DM after we’ve left the deity: Hey, soooooo if I️ go back to ask another question, will I️ be killed?
DM: Yes, you probably will
Me: Buuuuuutt, what if it’s a good question?
DM: You’ll have to find out
My character: *goes back to the deity* Heyyyy! So you told me I️ would meet my soul mate here soon. Are you by chance……single?
The DM then proceeds to laugh her ass off and spare my character because of how ridiculous the question was.
with my school teachers it was like “omg they’re so cool i wanna be their friend!” but with university lecturers it’s like “they’re endearing and i love them like cats but are they okay because i think they know too much about 18th century german literature to survive in the world”
what, you can’t know who friedrich schiller is and also change a tire?
literally no
this would have worked better if I personally knew how to change a tire
Motherly Cleric, to crying woman: Are you alright? What happened?
Crying Woman: T-The goblins… they attacked me… they k-killed my husband and children…
Motherly Cleric: How long ago was this?
Crying Woman: Just a couple days ago
Motherly Cleric (OOC): Okay, so too soon for flirting
Someone requested a doodle of “some of the Dominion’s anti-human propaganda” but tbh this is too real outside of star trek. this is probably plastered over the entire Citadel in Mass Effect
Entirely for @hellmandraws‘ amusement, and to defend America from the charge of being “weakass babies” I’m going to liveblog eating licorice candy.
okay first of all, the packaging. there’s a cartoon monkey ecstatically making love to a candy monkey. Perhaps an indicator of the orgasmic bliss I’m about to experience. 12/10. my hopes, like the people who designed this bag, are obviously very high
the candy looks like rocks and not jaunty little monkeys. huge disappointment. I had to recreate stonehenge to rally my flagging spirits. 2/10
First taste: wow this is salty! I think I actually like this. I love anise so I’m pretty sure this is going to be a trip to flavortown. 8/10 me rn:
OMG THE SALT WORE OFF IT’S SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED.
IT’S LIKE EATING A SHOE.
IS THIS CANDY?
IS THIS WHAT MAKES SCANDINAVIANS SO POWERFUL?
I’m chewing and it won’t go away
it’s stuck to my teeth, I’ll be tasting this forever. shards of this will be discovered in my teeth when my body is excavated from an archeological dig tens of thousands of years in the future. somehow the smell has traveled up through my nasal cavity and all I can sense, hear, or experience is licorice. the world is an empty vessel filled with remorse and the cloying smell of decay. I’m at the nadir of my existence. -100/12
somehow, here, standing at the edge of eternity, the darkness that consumed me birthed me anew. I’m not only ready for another candy, I’m eager. I can, nay I must, immediately eat another
oh wow it’s salty! 8/10
this time I’m ready for the salt to wear off.
I WAS NOT READY
the flavor this time was different, and somehow so much worse. instead of the leather of a shoe, it was like eating an entire shoe factory. the industrial rubber of the forklift tires, a hint of diesel as secretive as a volkswagen scandal, a soupçon of hot tin roof, the sweat of non-unionized labor, and a pervasive sense that while we’re all in this together, some of us are more all in this than others. 1/10 throw off your shackles, taste buds
I can’t believe it but I’m into this. I like this. shocked and disgusted with myself, I shove 2 more into my mouth concurrently.
conclusion: I’ve become addicted to licorice candy. what is in this. how do I get more. I hate this? I hate this. I willingly admit I’m a weakass baby. 100/10 will cycle through destruction and rebirth willingly and with open eyes, albeit it with teeth that will never again be clean.
This Is a Backup Blog 