I really want an Avengers/Young Wizards crossover where a SHIELD agent asks a wizard what type of training the receive before their ordeal and the wizard answers “Training? We don’t get training, we get a manual and a support group”
So imagine that when tiny Hermione Granger walks into that train compartment looking for Neville’s toad, another girl follows her in because as soon as she heard the problem she got up to help. “I’m Susan Pevensie,” she says. When the subject of school houses comes up, she says “My brother Peter is in Gryffindor, but I’m not sure I’d like it.”
Susan is sorted into Ravenclaw, but she and Hermione, the bossy mothering ones, stay friends.
Two years later, Edmund is sorted into Slytherin. Any Gryffindor making nasty comments about Slytherins from that point on finds out that Peter can throw a heck of a punch if it’s called for. Susan worries about him down in that damp dungeon and knits him green sweaters trimmed with silver.
When Harry is in his fourth year, Lucy Pevensie is sorted into Hufflepuff, to her family’s absolute lack of surprise. Harry meets her once or twice, a tiny firstie with flying golden hair and a smile that lights up her whole face, Susan’s sister. (Pretty, gentle Susan with her dark hair and soft smile and patient kindness, the Ravenclaw who’s as ready to help Neville with his homework as Hermione with hers, and he hardly notices Cho Chang at all. Hermione helps him ask Susan to the Yule Ball, and she says yes.) Cedric is a friend of Peter’s, but Harry is a friend of Susan’s and the Pevensies cheer for both Hogwarts champions.
Imagine that after the terrible ending to that year, Harry receives several letters from Peter and from Susan, but that they suddenly stop during the summer. Angry, hurt, frustrated Harry is brought to Grimmauld Place, comforted by Sirius and kept in the dark by the Order, and not long before school starts, all four Pevensie siblings are brought to the house to see him.
And they are all… changed. Harry is so restless that he can hardly endure his own skin, but he is shaken into stillness by the change in them. Peter’s good cheer has vanished into quiet watchfulness, and Lucy’s smiles are all edged with sadness now. Edmund the Slytherin is quiet and haunted, but at peace in a way he has never been before. And Susan hugs him when they meet, but she looks at him as if she hasn’t seen him in so long that she hardly remembers him.
And in a quiet room in a forgotten house, they explain why. They tell the Boy who Lived about another country, inside a wardrobe, where the name everyone feared to utter was that of a Queen, of endless winter and the reality of war, of the years afterwards as Kings and Queens of Narnia, of decades passing and their own world almost forgotten… and then a stag, and an open door, and coming back to a world that didn’t know they were gone.
Imagine Harry believing them implicitly, because he can see the kings and queens looking out from behind young eyes, the way Susan lifts her head as if it still wears a crown, the way Peter’s hand sometimes reaches for a sword hilt that is no longer there, the marks of sorrow and of wisdom on Edmund’s once-petulant face, the way Lucy turns her head to listen for something no-one else can hear.
And imagine how everything changes. Imagine The Boy Who Lived with King Peter the Magnificent teaching him about warfare and leadership, with Queen Susan the Gentle teaching him diplomacy and patience, both truly understanding how it feels to be a child entrusted with the fate of a whole world. Imagine small, valiant Lucy telling him about Aslan, about Mr Tumnus, about sacrifice and love and small kindnesses that change the world.
Imagine Edmund the Just going into the Slytherin common-room when they go back to school, a thin, deep-eyed boy of thirteen with his calm voice that speaks of justice, of peace, with the bearing of a king and deeply personal knowledge of evil and betrayal. Imagine him telling them ‘you are better than this, you are better than He Who Must Not Be Named can ever be’ and believing it.
Imagine a hunt for Horcruxes organized by Narnia’s finest hunters, imagine Susan’s arrows and Peter’s sword against wizards who can dodge a hex but have never had a weapon turned on them before. Imagine Neville Longbottom’s rebellion at Hogwarts aided by Edmund and his Slytherins who have learned that they are worth more than this, imagine Lucy flinging knives and curses against the teachers who would hurt them. Imagine the Slytherins rising up and making the other houses eat their condescending dismissal, once and for all.
Imagine Harry Potter telling Lucy, when it’s all over, “I remembered what you said. That a sacrifice willingly made is different, that it changes everything.” Lucy asking ‘did it help?’ and Harry telling her that it did. Because he didn’t want to die, but he could sacrifice himself to save others, to undermine Voldemort’s power in a way he couldn’t understand, and that helped.
Imagine Peter and Susan and Edmund and Lucy coming back not to a mundane world, but to one in desperate need of them, of the knowledge they have, of adult wisdom in friends young enough for Harry Potter to trust. Imagine them rebuilding Wizarding England the way they rebuilt Narnia and understanding ‘this is why. We needed to do it there so we could do it here’.
And imagine that they don’t die. Imagine that they live, and prosper, in a world that has enough magic to hold them there, and Susan grows up and wears her lipstick and her short skirts and so, in time, does Lucy. Imagine that Peter is the finest Minister for Magic in centuries and that Edmund is the Head of Slytherin that the House always needed, that Susan can achieve more with a smile in International Magical Cooperation than lesser diplomats can with a week of words and Lucy plays Quidditch and studies magical healing because she never quite got over the loss of her cordial but this, this is close. This is enough.
And imagine that the weight of the world is gently lifted off Harry’s shoulders and he can be just Harry Potter, with his world-saving done, knowing it’s in good hands.
Why am I crying?
I never knew I needed this before now. Wow. *sniffles*
“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone
A friend of mine saw this and brought up some interesting arguments
so, in other words,
Pretty much.
Revenge of the Nerds.
I think everybody’s not considering the people running these ships.
Why would Captain Kirk fire on a random freighter as though he were running a Star Destroyer? Why would Captain Solo take on a massive non-Imperial ship as though he were a pirate?
No, they’d probably encounter one another, talk on the comms, and dock to get to know each other and possibly trade supplies.
Han would probably disappear into the engine room with Scotty to compare warp to hyper and argue over who has the best ship.
Chewbacca would take advantage of the universal translator and talk to everybody.
So would Artoo.
Spock would find himself having a conversation with Threepio.
Kirk would probably charm Leia into bed, and Luke would fall head over heels for Uhura.
Then they’d go their own way, all peaceful and friendly.
Kirk would not charm Leia into bed. Kirk would ask her on a date, she’d say no, he’d accept that, and she’d be so startled that she’d join Starfleet.
She was a general, after all. Why not go for admiral, too?
(I mean, whether or not she did or did not eventually decide to take Kirk up on his offer is up for debate. But Kirk would absolutely not charm his way into her pants. He’d ask politely.)
Kirk and Leia would get along so well. I mean, he’s the youngest Captain in the Fleet, she (I believe) the youngest General in the Rebellion? You can bet they would sit down and start talking tactics and shit, and compare notes and Kirk would be FASCINATED by the Death Star plans but also totally horrified and you can bet he’d offer all the help he is authorized to give and more because James Tiberius Kirk does not play nice with evil space dictators like the Emperor, fancy voodoo space powers or not. No dating or charming needed.
Spock would be asking Luke all sorts of questions about the Force, trying to figure out how it works and stuff, because it it Illogical, you can’t just lift things with your mind, says the Vulcan, there has to be an explanation. Luke just kind of shrugs helplessly because he really doesn’t know?? He didn’t get much training before Ben died, and would honestly love to know anything Spock can figure out, he’s really just been flying by the seat of his pants here.
Uhura would immediately make friends with C3PO because LANGUAGES! Chewbaca too. She would want to learn Everything. C3PO is very happy to actually have someone listening to him when he talks.
Bone and Artoo, surprisingly, hit it off like nobody’s business, and spend they entire time complaining/insulting their respective crews (in the most loving way possible). Artoo also manages to get someone to give Bones a bacta sample, which he is fascinated by, and determined to replicate.
Scotty and Han do indeed disappear to talk ships, engines, and alcohol. Scotty lends a hand patching up the Falcon, because despite being a classy lady, she is in need of a bit of a tune up, and Scotty is more than happy to help.
At some point Sulu and Luke have a sparring match. It takes Luke a bit to get used to the weight of an actual metal blade, but he manages, though Sulu still kicks his ass, and then proceeds to teach Luke some fencing stances and moves.
now, guys, i like daenerys and all … i’m just saying that Lady Sybil Vimes is my real queen and mother of dragons.
like if she were in danny’s place, she’d not only abolish slavery for real, but the former slavemasters would definitely be more polite, they’d sit up straighter and they’d eat all their vegetables. and her dragons would be much tamer.
she’d do it in record time too
lady sybil vimes sitting on the iron throne. someone write this!!
“It’s a little…sharp, don’t you think, dear?” Vimes tried, voice echoing
around the deserted throne room.
He disliked King’s Landing out of principle, it was all right there in the
very name. Sybil was in her element however, although it was hard to think of a
time when Lady Sybil wasn’t in her element. The world morphed to her, fitting
snugly around her form until it settled around her as though she’d always
belonged. He’d watched many a time as she’d made rich lords and ladies feel
like strangers in their own grand homes and now—
“I mean who on earth builds a throne out of thousands of swords. I know
Vetinari is a bastard for symbols and metaphorical meaning, but this really
takes the pis—I mean tart.”
“Yes, the whole place could do with a bit of a spruce up, don’t you think?”
Oh yes dear, thought Vimes, the manic edge to his thoughts
threatening to well up and bubble over into hysterical laughter. I dare say
if you got some curtains measured up you could hide the view of half a burning
kingdom, no problem…
He didn’t belong here. Neither of them did. But who could have ever
predicted that that bloody dragon would return? I could, said a
little voice in the back of his head. It had been waiting for all of this to
end. Not necessarily the dragon of course, but for the careful world he and
Sybil had built to shatter in a shower of fire and smoke and then the ice would
pour back into his veins and Sam Vimes would cease to exist, because whatever
man had existed before had died somewhere in an Ankh-Morpork gutter a million
miles away…
What was it the old wizard had said? Something to do with stories and
narrative need? About fitting into the holes of the pantaloons of the
multiverse?
It didn’t matter now…all that mattered was that they were here now, summoned
by whatever need had pulled them here and—oh yes—he looked up at the open hole
where the palace roof ought to be. Three dragons looked down, as attentive as
kittens with a ball of string. He tried not to think about the sound of their
claws scraping over the stone or the way their eyes moved to follow him if he
strayed too far from Sybil.
Mother of Dragons…
They’d shouted it through the streets, even as they burned. Mother of Dragons…breaker of chains, first
of her name Her Grace, Lady Sybil
Deirdre Olgivanna Ramkin-Vimes, The Duchess of Ankh …and Queen of the
Iron Throne…
“I know what you’re thinking, Sam.”
“Do you, dear?” Same asked, letting his eyes drift from the dragons to her
reassuring form, her blue evening gown streaked with soot, wig only just
slightly askew.
“You’re thinking you want to go home…and I can’t say I blame you, but until
the wizard chaps figure this out, I say we make the most of this… there’s a
whole city out there Sam Vimes. You saw the mess of it when they opened the
gates, you saw what those awful people did to their people…”
Vimes was vaguely aware of an audience gathering at the giant doors that
hung on their hinges. Fine looking people, or at least people who thought they
were very fine, rich robes singed and ruined in only the way a dragon burning
your city can do. And all of them cautiously livid. There was something
reassuringly familiar about that.
“Yes, dear. They do what all ruling classes do.” He turned his attention to
the gathering crowd. “They piss down and call it plumbing.”
An old man wearing chains opened his mouth to protest, “I beg your pardon—“
“Yes you bloody should!” snapped Vimes, reaching for the cigar behind his
ear that wasn’t there and beginning to pat down his pockets. “Call yourselves a
tyranny? My gods what a shambles. Vetinari would have a fit at the state of
this place. An absolute fit.”
Another woman, slightly older than Sybil, and almost as regal, turned what
could only be defined as a look
toward him. “And you both are, sir?”
“Oh do forgive me,” he said, with manic faux politeness, his ducal façade slipping
into place like an anvil on thin ice, “hadn’t you heard? I would have thought
that mob was awfully clear. This is the Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, First
of her name Her Grace, Lady Sybil
Deirdre Olgivanna Ramkin-Vimes, The Duchess of Ankh and Queen of the
Iron Throne. And I’m her husband—“ Commander
Vimes City Watch…the words died on his lips as new words funneled in
through the back of his head, poured down by the cosmos in rich vibrant hues as
the world finally knit together around him. He grinned and several people
backed away.
“They call me, the Kingslayer. And
I’m her Guard.”
Sybil smiled, that soft genteel smile that could light up rooms and made
people feel warm inside. Overhead the dragons spat white hot plumes of flame,
making everyone within a twenty foot radius feel very warm indeed.
“And you lot—” Vimes said, finally managing to pull a cigar from somewhere
in his dented armor, holding it up to the still sizzling air and letting the
tip self-combust into before taking a long heady drag—“have got some bloody
explaining to do.”
MORE
(I’d love to, but you see, I’m already working on the Star Wars Discworld crossover Au for @leahelizabeth89, and I have about 50 WIPS in my darft folder and…and…shit *down the bunny hole we go*)
This is the best thing I have ever seen. Oh god Lady Sybil would just spend her days making sure the dragons were comfy and would go on and on about what a hardy breed they were.
Can you imagine Vimes on the kings council?!Oh god what if the rest of the Watch got through as well.
WHAT IF VETINARI FOUND HIS WAY?!?!?!?!
I just MUST know what Vetinari would do in Westoros !
Oh god. I cannot breath I’m sitting here doing that scary laugh where there’s no sound because you can’t breath so you just flap your arms like a fucking seal. my face hurts from grinning. What have you done to me?
Probably the same thing @leahelizabeth89 did to me when she said “how do you think Star Wars would have turned out with Vetinari in it?” and I’m 3k down the plot tunnel, pickax in hand and flashlight strapped to my head.
As for more Westeros: Vetinari would walk in, picking his way through the crowd and great Sybil like the old friends that they are, and take his rightful place as the Queens Hand—after all he’s never wanted to be a King, so why should he start now? He’s invaluable of course, but it’s Sybil who guides the kingdom back to some semblance of sanity, through the kindness and patience wrought of years tending to creatures that tend to explode at random.
Little Finger would try to get the measure of Von Lipwig—newly instated to the Small Council as Vetinari’s spy—and come up short…of the hangman’s rope. As it turned out, he did not believe in angels. Neither did a lot of the small council, which was unfortunate, but not unforeseen. Spike takes over trade and the various different merchants guilds and foreign traders soon come to know the iron ring of her stiletto heels sparking over the exchange floor.
Arya Stark thought she wanted to join the Assassin Guild, until she sees the golden wolf following on the heels of the tall redheaded man who reminds her of someone she used to know…she makes captain within a year and walks the streets at night, taking light into dark places. The men and women she trains soon become known as Starkies—their motto Law Before Justice.
Hm.
Who else…Fred and Nobby never change. A city is a city and there’s still street theater to watch and and cigarettes to smoke. But they both agree after the first week they’d do almost anything for a pint of Winkles, the beer here is piss.
“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone
A friend of mine saw this and brought up some interesting arguments
“I imagine he’d have the highest rat of homework handed in on time though, rumours of students being eaten or trampled by the Luggage would make sure of that.”
Story artist at Walt Disney animation studios / Artist for Marvel Comics. Check out his etsy store for books and prints www.etsy.com/shop/BrianKesinger
I know I’ve reblogged some of these before, but I love these SW / Calvin and Hobbes mashups. So stinking cute.
hard to be a master of dark magic when you’re unconscious from a half-brick in a sock lbr
Voldemort couldn’t take over a high school, he failed to kill an infant who would have died if pushed out a window, and even with magic he was – let’s admit – kinda the weakest villain ever.
The reason Voldemort tried to kill everyone? Yeah, it was because all the other villains laughed at him.
The only reason Voldemort had any power is because he was able to make stronger people do things for him. Without them he’s a complete dud.
And then we have Rincewind, failed wizard, kind of a loser, but amazing at being at the right place at the wrong time and saving the world. He has Luck on his side, and he’s friends with Death. Fate hates him, but Rincewind doesn’t need anyone else to be there for him. He’s gotten himself out of trouble more than once.
So, Voldemort either gets eaten by the Luggage, or whacked upside the head by a half-brick in a sock and then kicked to death by a very angry Rincewind who is justified in being furious that Voldemort passed wizarding school.
Of course, none of the Hogwarts crew would have survived old school UU, and Voldemort vs Ridicully would be laughable.
I still want to see “Sam Vimes arrests Voldemort.”
I want to see Ridicully vs Voldemort and Sam Vimes arresting Voldemort once he’s done being a newt.
Sam Vimes would not wait for Voldemort to be done with being a newt. Sam Vimes would take immense pleasure in constructing little newt handcuffs out of two paperclips, and arresting Voldemort while he was still a newt.
I want to write a fic where Lilo goes to college and her roommate is Boo from Monsters Inc. Boo is the first person to think Stitch is adorable and cuddly, and Lilo is the first person not to act like “Mike Wazowski” was a weird name for a goldfish. They get on like a house on fire which is kind of bad for Nani’s blood pressure.
But then one night they wake up in the middle of the night because something is in their closet. And the door starts to creak open so Stitch tackles whoever (whatever) is in there. They fall back into the closet, the door slams shut… and when Lilo runs over and opens it there’s nothing but an empty closet.
Then Boo tells Lilo all about this weird thing that happened to her when she was a kid, and how no one ever believed her but she knows it was real.
And cue Lilo and Boo busting into the Monster world to rescue Stitch and wreaking mad havoc in the process.
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