I feel like I should post more funny teaching stories here
Because I definitely have them.
For example, I have come to learn over the course of holding this position that Japanese school culture festivals are, in many ways, just as filled with zany hijinks as they are in your average anime.
Some highlights from my recent experiences with the mysterious beast known as the culture festival:
-Class 1-B presented a statistical report on this season’s fishing hauls. Sounds boring, right? Nope – it was presented via interpretive dabbing, with all of the class officers in glow-in-the-dark squid masks
-3-A, for their presentation, composed and performed an enka ballad about why our town is NOT famous
-Not to be outdone, 3-C crafted a loving, emotional video tribute to their three years of junior high school…narrated by the disembodied head of former US president John F. Kennedy projected on the gymnasium wall
-2-B made a ping-pong table. Their presentation consisted of walking onstage, saying “We made a ping-pong table” and sitting down.
-Students were allowed to order special lunches from the set festival menu up to two weeks in advance. The vice-principal was meant to pass out notices explaining how many of each item students might order. He failed to do so. A student ordered 28 muffins. The faculty watched in horror as he ate every single one.
Or How Paris Took The Words ‘For The Fairest’ Literally.
The Shepard, Paris of Troy, stood before the three Goddesses. He rocked from side to side, his eyes darting to each of the glorious beings before him.
Queen Hera, Goddess of Marriage and Women.
The Lady Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and War.
The Lady Aphrodite, Goddess of Beauty and Love.
And he, a lowly mortal shepherd, had been chosen to chose the fairest.
The Lord Hermes, Messenger God of Transitions and Boundaries, had brought an order from King Zeus to judge this matter fairly. Of course, no one would conceive of defying an order from the King of the Gods, so Paris agreed.
This is what had brought him to the unfortunate situation he now was embroiled in. Each goddess was undeniably beautiful, powerful in her own right. Paris knew that if he chose one, the remaining two could cause much misery. How could he possibly choose?
Lord Hermes stood with him. It was a small comfort to know that his patron God had not abandoned him with the three.
In another lifetime, the Goddesses would become impatient with Paris’ dithering and begin to offer bribes, resulting in the Lady Aphrodite being chosen and a war that would destroy an entire city.
In this lifetime, however, Paris had a sudden thought. The Apple he held in his hands was inscribed with the words, ‘For The Fairest’. When Paris thought of Fairness, it was not beauty he thought of. The idea of Fairness brought forth another Devine Being.
And Lord Hermes had not said that Paris could only choose between the three before him, only that the Apple had to remain intact and that his verdict would be upheld.
Just as Queen Hera was about to bribe Paris, the words tumbled from his lips. “I have decided.”
Each of the three drew up to their full height, confident in their victory. Lord Hermes tensed next to him.
Paris twisted the Apple in his hand and licked his lips. “Before I give my verdict, please allow me to explain. The one I chose is the Fairest as dictated upon this fruit. It does not say the For the most Beautiful nor the most Sensual. If that had been the case, I am sure it would cause me much consideration to decide between the three of you, most likely to point I could never decide as each of you truly embody Beauty and Power that no mortal could ever comprehend.” The Three nodded, quelled by the words but still curious. Lord Hermes’ eyes darted to Paris, twinkling with mischief as he began to understand what the clever mortal was doing.
Paris bit his lower lip before continuing. “Please understand the one I have chosen is due to fairness, not beauty. The one I chose looks to all mortals and judges equally. From the highest King to the lowliest slave. The Wisest Elder to the most innocent Youngster. The one I chose treats all mortals with the same honourable actions and does not treat us with favouritism nor discrimination.” Paris took a deep breath and turned to Lord Hermes who looked to be holding in his laughter with eyes filled with amusement. It gave Paris a small amount of courage. “Please pass this Apple onto Lord Hades. He does not take anything that does not belong to him and he judges all mortals with fairness and equality. He treats us fairly. Although another might have chosen differently, I am but a mortal and my opinion is that he is the fairest.”
The bewildered and stunned look on the three Goddesses almost cause Lord Hermes to laugh but he visibly reigned himself in and nodded. “I shall do as you ask, young shepherd.
Paris’ eyes darted to the Three and muttered so only the God could hear. “Hopefully, I won’t be there to tell him that in person soon.”
As Lord Hermes darted off to award the prize, Paris turned to the Three. He cleared his throat and bowed lowly. “Might I please be excused from your glorious presences, My Ladies? My flock has need of me.” Paris kept his head bowed and tensed.
Lady Athena broke the silence first. “I will admit that I did not expect that.“
Queen Hera shook her head slowly as Lady Aphrodite brushed an invisible speck from her dress. The Three disappeared.
Paris gulped. He turned back to his flock and began to tend to them, muttering shakily under his breath, “Never ever again.”
Omake:
Lord Hades was very touched by Paris’ decision. He mounted the Apple above his throne as a reminder. When Paris finally died of old age, never having discovered his royal heritage, Lord Hades thanked him.
Lady Persephone would rub it in the other’s faces for centuries.
Why aren’t Fruit Bat Vampires a thing???? Like they have 15 fridges or somehing and are obsessed with watermelons and pineapples. They are more day-light and people friendly. Like super chill. They love just chilling in flowerbeds. They like to farm and garden. “Why would you attack a human WHEN YOU COULD HAVE THIS NECTARINE??”
…that’s adorable I need one.
Always drinking fruit juice, always inviting you to the damn smoothie bar, always at the damn farmer’s market
I may know a few of those.
“Drink of the Kombucha of Immortality, and gain life eternal!”
[vampire smirk] “May I come in?”
“FUCK YEAH YOU CAN BRO, GET IN HERE AND HAVE YOURSELF A V8”
There’s a lot of St. Rita’s orphanages and group homes and they’re all very well-appointed and when Bruce Wayne visits there are always kids who think they’re gonna convince him to adopt them but then they spend more than ten minutes with him and change their minds.
It’s not that he isn’t nice, it’s just that he’s trying very hard and you can tell he has no idea what he’s doing and it’s honestly kind of depressing and when you’re thirteen and living in a pretty nice house with a bunch of other teenagers and you see this man you think “do i really want to have to take care of this disaster” because obviously someone has to take care of him and anyway the prospect is tiring when you can just stay home and play mario kart and collect christmas presents from afar instead.
I mean you think to yourself “I’ll get adopted by Bruce Wayne and live in a mansion and I’ll live in one of his million rooms and have all kinds of stuff” but then you meet him and you realize that this man will try very hard to spend time with you and maybe even have conversations about feelings and try to understand your interests and sure he’ll probably buy you things but now that you’ve met him the thought makes you feel kind of guilty and is it really worth being awkwardly dadded at. Is anything worth that.
Orphans who discover that he is also Batman have no choice but to adopt him because clearly the situation is even more dire than it appears on the surface and if they don’t take care of this ridiculous man then who will.
Imagine one of those vampires that spent a few decades napping and now they’re trying to catch up as best they can so they’re in a library looking through years of old magazines and overhear some middle-schooler discussing her project about the moon-landing and they’re like “WHAT!!!”
“You have to tell me everything about this!!!”
A confused but enthusiastic sixth-grader unfolds her trifold poster board and tells an absolutely captivated 3000 year old man-eater about the space race.
More like “I LITERALLY HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN THROUGH THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA PLEASE TAG SPOILERS”
I’M!!
“Have you gotten to Franz Ferdinand being shot yet?” An Austrian Vampire, angrily looking up from a ninth-grade history book: “are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??”
@thebibliosphere mom mom mom you should totally write something like this it’d be great please
it legitimately cracks me up when people start things out with “mom mom mom” I love it. This is also highly amusing and good food for thought.
not that it really matters but some people seem to think that this is a pokestop and not a gym. i am here to confirm that it is in fact a gym and i do plan on conquering it.
My favourite fact about Star Trek TOS is that, because automatic doors weren’t invented yet, the ‘automatic doors’ in TOS were really just some guy yanking a rope and pulley system to make them slide open. Problem was the person was far enough away that they couldn’t see when exactly the doors needed to be open, and relied on a signal from somebody just off set. The actors, however, had to act as if they were 100% confident the doors were going to open at the exact time and moment despite the fact that they occasionally did not which lead to multiple occasions in which the actors walked directly into the doors while they were opening.
a game show where a toddler has to choose between a cheque for a million dollars or a small basket filled with $8.14 worth of dollar store toys and in the corner of the tv you can see their parents in a locked sound proof room watching from a screen and screaming the whole time
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