“The nature of this mission is such that we need to keep a low profile, so: land vehicles only, fast enough for emergencies but plausible for interstate travel.” Batman set the tablet down. “Any questions.”
Flash threw up both his arms. “Road trip!”
“That’s not a question.”
“I’m out,” Aquaman said, sliding on a pair of sunglasses. He had his chair tilted back so he could cross his boots on the table.
“I’m shocked,” said Batman, who was not shocked.
“Aquaman!” Wonder Woman protested. “Don’t you want to ride with me? It will be fun! I’m told there are giant balls of twine in the desert.”
“This is a mission,” Batman reminded her. “There are no balls of twine between here and the base.”
“We can take a detour after we’re done,” she suggested, not to be dissuaded.
“Obviously I love giant balls as much as the next man,” Aquaman said, leading Batman to slowly shake his head. “However: this whole trip is landlocked. And I have business in the ocean to take care of.”
Wonder Woman narrowed her eyes. “Is this business a redhead?” Rather than deny it, Aquaman grinned, rows of gleaming white shark’s teeth sharp as daggers.
“And is it related to giant balls?” Flash added.
“Or blue ones?” Green Lantern continued further.
Wonder Woman looked between them. “I feel like I’m missing something.”
“Travel arrangements,” Batman announced, picking his tablet back up. “For logistical reasons we’ll be traveling mostly in pairs, I’ve chosen groups strategically, don’t try to argue, I know where you live.”
“I’m not clear on who that last part was addressed to,” said Green Arrow.
“All of you. Arrow, you’re with Flash.”
The Flash pumped his fists. “Yesss — I drive!”
“Absolutely not,” Green Arrow said immediately.
“Martian, you’re with Firestorm.”
“Shotgun,” Firestorm said immediately.
Martian Manhunter looked at him. “You both get shotgun,” he reminded him.
Firestorm scratched his chin. “Right.”
“Hawks, you’re not coming on this one because we all remember Utah.”
Hawkman buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. Hawkgirl had her fists on her hips, and was laughing, her tongue curled down to her chin.
The tongue was how they knew the laugh was genuine.
“Superman, you’re with Green Lantern.”
Green Lantern and Superman’s eyebrows both shot up. “Really?” they both asked, before exchanging glances.
“Yes.”
Wonder Woman’s eyes widened. “Does that mean—”
“Yes.”
“—I’m with you?”
“Yes.”
Batman was expressionless, a fact which meant less than nothing. Wonder Woman was delighted. Aquaman frowned. “Wait, where was I in the seating arrangement?”
“You weren’t.”
Aquaman took his feet off the table to sit upright, leaning forward with his brow furrowed. “Why not?”
“You weren’t going to come on this mission.”
“You didn’t know that for sure.”
“I did.”
Aquaman slammed his palm onto the table. “I’ve changed my mind!” he announced. “I will join you for this mission.”
“Fine,” Batman said, not missing a beat. “You can join Green Arrow and The Flash.”
They all looked to where the two men were hunched over Flash’s phone, trying to figure out playlists. “I’m not spending five hours listening to electropop,” Arrow was saying. “I get enough of that at home.”
“And thank God, if it were up to you it’d be nothing but butt rock.”
“That’s not a genre.”
“My car is a no Nickelback zone.”
“You don’t even have a car, you run everywhere.”
“Legally, everything in a three foot radius of me is a car.”
“That’s not a law.”
“It should be.”
“I’ve changed my mind,” Aquaman announced as he stood. “Atlantis needs me.”
i like to imagine that clark kent’s search history is mostly normal but then there’s stuff like “improved superman costume concept art” because he wanted ideas
someone said they wanted to be able to reblog this with my horrible tags
no but like… do you sue him for using your designs? Do you politely ask him to stop using your designs? Do you ask him for license fees when the Superman merchandise adopts your design as well?
i am absolutely sure that he would find one with an artist’s comment/description that included “hey superman if you’re reading this feel free to use this anytime ok ;3″ and he would say “oh man that’s so thoughtful, thank you weedhorse69, I think I will” and like how do you explain in court that you, weedhorse69, did not intend for your statement to be any kind of contractual offer because you did not think he would ever find your public internet post with his name all over it
you should DEFINITELY read weedhorse69’s chatlog screenshots, oh my god
And now I’m imaging that weedhorse69 is Kyle Rayner before he got the ring.
Later, after he gets the ring … awkward. So awkward.
“Obviously you aren’t obligated to join the League, but we’d be happy to have you.”
Kyle was going to die. He did not, despite the obvious facts, consider himself to be possessed of great will. It did not occur to him that the fact that he could make himself stand there and pretend to be casual spoke volumes.
“I’ll have to think about it,” he said, hoping that his voice didn’t shake, turning down the thing he would have liked most in the world. “I’m a pretty private person.”
Superman considered this. “That’s fair,” he said, “but maybe I should mention that the League doesn’t require you to disclose your civilian identity.”
“It doesn’t?” Shit. He shouldn’t have sounded so excited.
“No. Some people choose to disclose to close friends, but it isn’t on file and no one has to share anything they’re not comfortable with.”
“Oh.” Maybe… maybe no one would have to know. Maybe he could do this. “I’ll still have to think about it,” he said, even as he made up his mind, “but I am very interested.” Superman smiled, suddenly, and even though he had been nothing but kind Kyle was terrified. “What? Did I say something funny?”
“No, no, you’re fine,” Superman assured him. “Usually Green Lanterns are a little more candid, is all. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I, uh.” Kyle faltered. “It’s not that I have anything to hide. It’s just… before I got the ring, I… did some things I’m not proud of.” Superman nodded in a manner warily sympathetic. “Things are different now, though. Very different.”
“I believe you,” Superman said, and it was absolutely killing him how nice he was. He was so nice. Kyle’s only saving grace was that he was wearing the classic costume. “The ring chose you, that’s all I need to know.”
Oh, god. Superman thought he had reformed from a life of crime.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. Right? Right. This was fine. Everything was fine. Kyle would join the League and never tell anyone his name and no one would ever know the depth of his sins and he would meet Batman and that would end well.
Kyle could probably make everyone’s lives a lot easier by designing supervillain costumes that are completely impractical, like they’ll make it hard to move without their pants falling down or whatever, but he just has too much pride in his work. He would honestly be pretty stoked to just tell people that he is the Green Lantern, but he put his real name on his twitter account so if people know that Green Lantern is Kyle Rayner, they will also know that Green Lantern is weedhorse69. He still does not know what Batman might do to him. He saw the news. He saw Wonder Woman wearing that tank top while she punched a giant gorilla mechsuit. He must take his secrets to the grave.
He is found out when Green Lantern starts sporting a stylish Weedhorse Look and Batman notices that that costume (indeed, any GL costume) is absent from his account. When people ask why he was searching the entire account for sexy GL pics he mumbles something about security and walks away.
This Is a Backup Blog 