You know what’s funny about trauma? That some twisted part of you keeps trying to convince itself that it wasn’t that bad. So you’re stressed, anxious, depressed, but you keep saying “I’m overreacting” and trying to downplay it, ‘cause others had it worse.
So here, for anyone needing it, your feelings are valid. Whatever happened to you was not your fault, and you have every right to feel angry and hurt and to take as much time as you need to heal. Your experience and how you react to it is valid, no matter what.
traumatic situations often damage people’s sense of self-worth. so not feeling like you deserve to feel the pain of the damage is, actually, part of the damage.
in recovering from trauma, you can actually start feeling worse for awhile: like nerve endings regrowing, feeling and claiming the full extent of your pain is a sign that you’re starting to heal.
shoutout to everyone making progress that no one recognized because you never let anyone see your darkest moments. i see you and i am so, so proud of every little step you’re making in the right direction.
Shoutout to the people who are traumatized by an event that didn’t bother them at first
By something that they didn’t realize hurt them
By something that happened when they were young and naive and didn’t know what to do so they forced the memory out of their head
By something that only started affecting them recently
You are valid and I love you
Developing the ability to piss other people off (or even to RISK pissing them off) without knuckling under is pretty much the Holy Grail of emotionally abused kids, I think. We are programmed to respond at the first sign of displeasure, and we don’t have the faith in ourselves and our decisions to weather the storm– or even a mild sprinkle– so we tend to freak out as if the world was ending if a cloud crosses the sun. We freak out about the possibility that we’re wrong, that we’re doing the wrong things, that we’re making the wrong choices, that we’ll make someone angry, because there’s this awful certainty lurking at the back of our minds that says “If you do the wrong thing, you will be in TROUBLE.” And being in TROUBLE is the worst thing, ever, because that part of our brain is forever three years old where our parents are our whole world and being in TROUBLE is the end of everything.
It takes a lot of practice to gain that sort of gut-level knowledge that we’re strong enough to handle this stuff and that the world doesn’t end if someone else is angry at us. It’s not an innate quality that some people have and some don’t; people who grow up in non-abusive homes learn it when they’re young, is all, and the rest of us have to learn it when we’re grown up. And it sucks, and it’s not fair, and it’s not fun, but there’s no getting around it, and you can do it, you CAN.
You can piss people off.
You can be wrong.
You can fuck up.
You can do stuff that everyone thinks is weird.
AND IT IS ALL OKAY. The world won’t end. You will still be a good person. And the likelihood is that most of the things you do WON’T be wrong, and WON’T piss people off, and WON’T be up-fuckery, and WON’T be weird, but if it is? The hell with it; fix it, if necessary, and move on.
I needed a little pick me up doodle before I go into this next coming week while simultaneously telling myself I don’t need to have everything in my life figured out right now. Hopefully this motivational koala is helpful to some of you guys too.
As disabled people, we are constantly expected to do our very best, to push ourselves as much as possibly in an attempt to keep up with ablebodied, neurotypical expectations. We might not make it, but at least we’re always doing out best, right?
This is your daily reminder that you do not always have to do your best. Us disabled people often have to spend tremendous amounts of energy on things that most people take for granted – and we are expected to do that. All the time. Everyday.
To make up for the fact that we are disabled, we don’t get to be lazy. We don’t get to say “I don’t want to do that” when we could, even when doing it would mean spending so many spoons that we can hardly leave our bed for days afterwards. We are constantly fighting the notion that we’re lazy, that we could do everything we’re expected to do if only we tried harder – and in fighting that notion, actually being lazy can often seems like a privilege for neurotypical, ablebodied people.
That’s bullshit. You’re allowed to be lazy sometimes. You are allowed to say no to something, not because you are incapable of doing it, but because you don’t want to or because you’d rather use your time and energy on something else. No one can do their best 24/7. No one can press themselves to the limit all the time. No one should have to.
This Is a Backup Blog 