i dont really think we as a community talk enough about how SJ buzzwords can be used, and are used, for emotional manipulation and silencing. there are usually a couple of posts floating around after someone’s outed as an abuser, but after that we just don’t talk about it, and we really should because people get so afraid to speak up about something that seems wrong to them, because someone who sseems more knowledgeable asserted that it’s Problematic to question an aspect of their behavior
i really think we need to talk about this so we’re not all keeping quiet about things that seem wrong to us because we’re scared because that’s an environment that toxic people can easily take advantage of
Tag: important
It’s weird people say they are colorblind about race and but then you make too many characters poc or a poc gets the job instead of them and suddenly they can see race.
uhm:
I don’t like this idea of “dumping” toxic people/friends. You become a true friend when you stay, despite your toxic friends’ shortcomings. Think of everyone like you would your family. Even if your father were an alcoholic, or you experienced a negative relationship with him, you still owe it to yourself and to your father to reconcile with him. Extend this idea to your friends, and those around you. Do not give up on people so easily, for your own benefit.
Yeah, no.
Not only is this unhealthy for people dealing with toxic relationships, it also strays dangerously close to enabling incredibly unhealthy habits or behaviors. If your hypothetical alcoholic father has ruined your relationship to the point of driving you away, it is actually healthier for him to deal with the repercussions of his actions than to have you pretend everything is fine.
The Waitressing Chronicles: Wherein Dani does not refill your soda 20 times just because she thinks it’s SO MUCH FUN.
Tonight was one of the worst kinds of nights you can have in the restaurant industry. It was a pretty busy Saturday night, the kitchen was running smoothly, my coworkers and I were coexisting peacefully, and 99% of my tables were awesome, and I really had fun serving them. (Yes, I did say ‘worst’. I’m getting to that part, hold on….).
Some of them were a little needy, but after you’ve served for a few years, you start developing a sort of spidy-sense about which guests are going to require 30 diet coke refills, 5 servings of chips and salsa and roughly 2 gallons of ranch before they even crack there menus open (seriously…I think some people have such an addiction to ranch, that if it isn’t constantly on their table, regardless of the presence of any other actual food, they start to develop anxiety. Some people need to carry around EPI pens in case of emergency….I carry around ranch dressing. You’re welcome), so I was prepared. Even my needy tables didn’t rattle me too much this evening.
Generally speaking, all of the components necessary for a pretty kick-ass shift were present and accounted for.
And then my tables started cashing out. 10%tip, 5% tip, no tip, no tip, 10%….20%, FINALLY! Oh…wait…they didn’t do their math correctly, that’s actually only a $2 tip. Wonderful.
My enthusiasm for my job and my shift plummeted rapidly and I was ready to stuff my hot towel in my apron and go home faster than the cheapskate at table 7 could say “Keep the Change” as he handed me $40 for his $38.64 tab.
Some people just genuinely don’t know any better, and I recognize that. Sometimes I’m a little off my game, and I fully own up to that as well. But tonight was not one of those nights. I was on point…and I’m good at what I do.
So let me deviate a little bit from my normal Chronicling to give something of a PSA on behalf of waitstaff everywhere.
80% of servers make under minimum wage. This is a fact. A miserable, lamentable fact. The hourly wages that our employers provide are essentially just so that the government has something to take as far as immediate taxes on our tip money, and we don’t get slammed with having to pay it all back at once in April. Our “paychecks”, therefore, are usually somewhere in the neighborhood of $30. If that. It’s a pretty crummy system, and believe me when I say that we’d probably rather be making a steady and reliable hourly wage instead of depending on tips, but unfortunately that’s not the society we live in.
So. Your tip. How much do you tip, and who gets it?
A lot of that depends on the restaurant you’re in. Look around you. Do you see hosts and hostesses? Is there a bartender? A busser? If any/all of these people are present, rest assured that your server does not get to keep all of their tips.
We “tip out” to all of the other support staff (busser, host, QA expo, bartender, etc.) at the end of every shift. The amount of money we tip out to these staff is determined, not by how much money we make, but by how much we’ve sold. For example, at Chilis, I tip out 3% of my total sales at the end of the night. (So if I sold $100 worth of food and drinks, my tip out would be $3. Last night, I had $1100 in sales, and had to leave behind $33).
What does this mean? This means, that if you don’t leave a tip, or only leave $1 or $2 (assuming your total tab wasn’t $10.) your server actually loses money on your table. We still have to pay taxes and tip out based on the amount of food YOU ordered, not to mention that you sat there, and took up one of my tables for 2 hours, which I could easily have flipped twice in that time had you not felt the need to camp out and then leave me $2 (I’M TALKING TO YOU, TABLE 36.)
It pretty much boils down to this: a 10% tip is the bare minimum. It means mediocre service, and relates a relatively neutral – bordering on negative message to your server about how they did their job. 15% indicates that you’re content and happy, and your server was proficient at taking care of you. 20% is excellent. Excellent food, excellent service, excellent everything. That’s how we read your tips.
Also, you can basically write whatever you want in the tip line. If your total bill was $45.67, and you write in a $5,000 tip, and then write “$45.67” on the total line, and sign it…..guess how much I’m authorized to charge your card for? That’s right. $45.67. So please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) double check your math when you’re totaling out your bill. I lost no less than $27 in tips last night simply because people couldn’t Math correctly. Perhaps ranch dressing in excess has an adverse affect on people’s ability to do basic arithmetic. Or perhaps it’s a complication of margarita-induced brain freezes. Either way. It sucks. Please don’t suck.
Tipping is not optional, and it is not a privilege for the server. Back in the day, it probably was, but unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. When you sit down at a restaurant there is an unspoken understanding between you and your server. It’s their responsibility to make sure you have a stellar, enjoyable and relaxing meal, and it’s your responsibility to make sure they can afford to pay their rent. And before you start in on me (because I can hear the rumbling of offended restaurant goers from here, like distant thunder…calm yourselves, beasts!) about how entitled you are to not-tip, let me tell you now, honey child, I’ve heard every retort in the book.
“Your restaurant should pay you better, that’s not my fault” – Well. Yes. I agree. But they don’t. So it sucks for both of us. But until it’s announced that tipping is no longer needed in the service industry, the burden of determining my “paycheck”falls on you Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.
“You should just be happy that I left anything at all.” – If your tip was in addition to the $10/hr my restaurant was paying me, you bet your left shoe I’d be happy for any little bit you wanted to throw my way. But they don’t. And I know you know that, faithful restaurant eater. So when you walk out, leaving me $3 after having waited on your family of 6’s $130 meal, I’m going to interpret that as a direct and intentional personal insult. You may have thought you were coming out on top by not leaving the appropriate $13-$26 that your bill merited, but really now you’re just a dick. And I can promise you that every server who was working that night will know about it. Good luck getting chipper service next time you try to come to our restaurant. We remember.
“Tips are dependent upon how well you do. That’s what TIPS means. ‘To Insure Proper Service.” – I almost don’t even want to respond to this one, but unfortunately it’s a very popular notion. First off, lemme just lay it out there that if you believe this, you’re a dumbass. For multiple reasons. If that acronym was in fact true, they would be called “teps” (to…ENSURE….proper service. English, for the win!) and you would give them to be at the beginning on the meal. Because that’s what “to ensure proper service” implies. How comfortable would you be if you had to tip your server at the beginning of the meal, knowing full well that you had to sit there for the next 45 – 60 minutes facing the person you just handed $2 as you ask for 3 more sides of Barbeque sauce, a 5th coke and some ranch.(Just because of reasons. Everyone needs ranch. ) You’d probably be a little uncomfortable, wouldn’t you? You’d probably shell out a lot more were that the case, wouldn’t you? How great is it for you that you get to demand special ordered food and request exactly 45 napkins one at a time from your server and then immediately slip away into the night after leaving your server $1.63. You’re such a champ, a real stand-up type of person. I hope your kids leave legos in the hallway tonight, and you step on three of them as you stumble to the bathroom at 3am.
“Why don’t you just get a real job. You’re choosing this lifestyle” – Whoa buddy, whoa. Did you really just say that to me? Let’s rewind this a little bit. I’m on my feet, running, squatting, lifting trays, clearing dishes, entertaining table after table, pretending to love being regaled by the intricacies of your oh-so-fascinating life and reassuring you that your baby IS the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen for 6-10 hours a day. Usually, unless I have time to take a bathroom break (please note that I didn’t say “need” to take a bathroom break. If. I. Have. Time.) , the first time I get to sit down after walking through those doors and clocking in is when I get back in my car to go home at the end of the night. Someone please tell me how that’s not a “real” job? Or how it’s any less “real” than your 9-5 office job? I bet that desk chair does a real number on your lower back. Your office manager should really look into providing you with the lumbar support you deserve. Please, tell me more about it as I stand at your table side balancing 30lbs of dishes on one hand that you seem to be oblivious to, as you continue to complain about your cushy job.
You have a valid point though, in that I did choose this job. For me, personally, I know that waiting tables is only temporary. The tips I earn go towards food, gas, insurance, cell phone, car payments, my gym membership, student loans, text books and other basic life-needs (shampoo is expensive ommgggg). I’m also trying to save up so I can afford to move to New York after I finish my Master’s Degree. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but not nearly as much as some of the other wonderful people I work with. Take, for example, the 20 year old single mother of 2 who was in the section next to mine last night. I’m not sure if she finished high school or not, but her kids are her life now. She started waiting tables at 16 so that she could afford to buy diapers and formula every night before she went home. Waiting tables isn’t just her “get me through school” job. It’s her career. It’s how she feeds her kids. So go ahead, leave her no tip on your $120 check, table 23. I hope that pasta you inhaled gives you heartburn. And she’s not the only one. Every single server in any restaurant you eat in is at your mercy to provide for themselves and their family. That is the responsibility you sign up for when you walk into a dine-in restaurant. It is an unfortunate part of American culture.
Don’t like it? Go to a drive-through. That’s what they’re there for. Better yet….stay home. Cook for yourself.
If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.
Thank you to those of you who are awesome. Awesome people and fun tables actually make this a pretty kickass job a lot of the time. Keep up the awesome. If you doubt your level of restaurant awesome, never fear! It’s totally something you can build up over time, kind of like distance running or heavy lifting. Baby steps. You’ll get there.
YES THIS THANK YOU
“If you can’t afford to tip YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO EAT OUT” …. My head hurts from nodding agreement on every one of these points. I’m smiling and tensed just from reading this. I hate waiting tables … I do not plan for it to be a career it gets me by .. That is all gah some people make me angry when they judge my job
Sorry your paycheck sucks, but tipping isn’t mandatory. It *is* optional, and it makes you sound incredibly entitled to say otherwise.
Yeah how dare she expect to be compensated for her time and effort the way it’s understood she should be by a ubiquitous social contract AS WELL AS those handy dandy tipping guides almost all restaurants print out onto the bottom of their checks.
it’s embarassing that ao many ppl think paying people for their work is optional, like, good luck playing that out to it’s logical conclusion
A great addition to your garden or back yard. – Bee watering station.
Bees need water just like we do but often times drown in open water. To make a bee watering station you can either do what is shown in the photo above and fill the bowl of a dog/cat watering jug with stones or you can fill a small dish with marbles and add water to that. That way the bees have something to land on!
First post to get this many notes, and I’m so glad it’s this one. ^_^
No fuck bees kill them all
Kill all bees huh? Bees are responsible for pollinating around 80% of agriculture. Bees die, you die. Do research and get over your fears.
bees are so important save the bees
Bees are pretty awesome. I won’t defend yellowjackets, mind.
yellowjackets, i will set on fire. they eat meat and garbage. technically they help by eating crop pests, but they’re so aggressive towards humans and pets that it’s dangerous NOT to kill them when you find a nest near your house.
bees are absolute darlings and essential to human life as well as the environment. they pollinate fruit and vegetables. they make honey — they make more honey than they need, so beekeepers can harvest it without hurting them, it’s like they WANT to share. they can only sting once, it kills them, so they’re very reluctant to do so, and usually you can let them walk on your hands and when you want them to leave just gently blow on them and they’ll go. bees are nothing to be afraid of unless you’re deathly allergic.
you can tell the difference by the presence or absence of fur. if it’s fuzzy, it’s a friend.
bees are fuzzy and they are our friends, help and protect them.
wasps/hornets/yellowjackets are shiny and they hate us, don’t let them nest near your home.
Noo! I get so sad when I see posts like this!
I was ill informed, too when it came to wasps! But darlings I promise they’re important and here’s why:
- Mud Daubers are a sub species of ‘wasp’ that hunt down spiders and feed them to their young. Spiders can range from black windows to a harmless cellar spider, but the point is- you got too many spidders? Start praying for mud daubers.
- Wasps carry yeast in their stomachs! You like wine? Then thank wasps- the babies carry yeast back to grape vines and help boost the grape production!
- They are natures lil’ cleaners. They eat rotting fruit and veggies which can pose health risks to other animals, attract flies and other scavenger pests, and just simply smell bad.
- They’re also pollinators! Just like bees!
Now, this being said- Wasps are very territorial little babies. They want to protect their homes and their life, but wouldn’t you!? Think about it! we’re giant paper-wielding monsters to them that have invisible force fields of death in our giant nest boxes.
By the time we find them they’re already 210% done with every situation, and just wanna be let out!
If you find waspies near your home and you’re allergic, terrified, or have another personal reason they CAN-NOT be there? Then use some all natural repellent, not poison! remember that poison doesn’t just harm the bug you’re directly spraying it at- but birds, other bugs, and sometimes even our neighborhood squirrel, cat, or mouse who comes along to get a tasty (All be it weird) treat!
For example: I’ve heard if you sprinkle cinnamon powder around a nest of bees, wasps or yellow jackets that they DESPISE the smell and will move the nest elsewhere!
Wasps HATE the smell of mint! So get some minty plants going and you’ll be good to go!
Ahh, I didn’t even read the comments, I just automatically reblog the bee watering hole whenever I see it.
Re-reblogging for lilacs comment!
Inclusion and accessibility don’t go without saying
People don’t know that you will meet their access needs unless you tell them you will. Many people won’t, and people with disabilities can’t read your mind to figure out your intentions.
It goes a long way towards easing stress for everyone if you talk about access explicitly, rather than assuming it goes without saying that you will do the right thing.
For instance, if your store sign says “no dogs allowed” it should also say something like “except service dogs” (don’t say guide dogs specifically, because there are a lot of reasons other than blindness that some people have service animals)
- This sends the message that you know service dogs exist
- And that you’re not going to kick them out of the store for having a service dog
- This does not go without saying; people with service dogs get illegally kicked out of stores all the time
Similarly, if you ban laptops/electronics, it’s important to say “except when they are needed by students with disabilities.” (and not to demand proof of diagnosis).
If you’re organizing a retreat and there is a rule against outside food, it’s important to either make an exception for people with dietary needs, or else work with people to provide them food they can eat. And to make it explicit that you will do this, because it very much does not go without saying.
If you’re advertising an event and it’s in an accessible venue (which it should be), put that information on the fliers (and make sure it’s true). That doesn’t go without saying. Many organizations whose values suggest that they should care about accessibility routinely hold events in completely inaccessible venues. No one will know that you’re doing it the right way unless you tell them.
There are any number of other examples.
tl;dr: Keep in mind that people with disabilities can’t read your mind, and make it explicit that you will meet access needs, especially if your statements or rules suggest that you won’t.
Sam Pepper handcuffs himself to women on the street, refusing to release one woman until she kisses him
In January, Sam Pepper uploaded a video called “How To Get A Girlfriend Easy” in which he sneaks up behind or beside unsuspecting women on the street and handcuffs them to himself. He then tells them they’re “his girlfriend now.”
When one victim reacts furiously, saying “No! I don’t know you! Take it off!” and demands that he remove the handcuffs, he refuses and replies with “We’re dating now.” She tries again, “Look, I don’t know where you’re from, but we don’t do this in America. Take this off,” while fighting with the cuffs. He refuses again, insisting they’re “going on a date.” She then tells him that she’s married, to which he says “No, you’re married to me now,” and refuses yet again to remove the handcuffs.
At the end of the video, another woman is pleading with him to undo the handcuffs, and he refuses to until she kisses him on the lips. Pepper appears to think the entire scenario is hilarious at best and endearingly misguided at worst, while the women being “pranked” are visibly livid, terrified, and profoundly uncomfortable.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
We need to stop calling assault by white men on men of color and women of all races “pranks,” because it makes them seem lighthearted and fun, not like the violent criminal acts they are.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE PRANKS.
it infuriates me when people tell me “lifes too short to not forgive people!” like NO lifes too short for me to continually allow abusive and manipulative behavior in my life and live in a constant state of anxiety bc I want to be “nice” or whatever
There’s such a big difference between moving past what someone did to you, and forgiving someone for it. I’ve never understood why people think the latter is necessary in order to do the former.
To All Bisexuals Who are in the Closet on Bi Visibility Day
Staying in the closet is valid and your reasons are valid. YOU are valid. You are no less bisexual because you feel unsafe or unsupported. You are no less bisexual if you want to keep your sexuality to yourself, no matter the reason.
And this day is for you, too. It’s not just for out bisexuals or people who choose to be as visible as possible. Bi Pride and Bi Visibility is for you to experience if you want, to whatever degree you want, and in whatever way you want.
And I hope every single one of you are happy and safe and supported today, even if it is in small ways.
❤
Friendly reminder on bi awareness day:
You can be grey-asexual and/or grey-aromantic and be bi.
If on the occasions you’re attracted to people it’s to more than one gender you can still identify as bi if you want to. If anyone tries to stop you, use your bi powers to tear off their hateful little head.
scratch that, you can be full ace or full aro and still be biromantic or bisexual
this too. I more meant there’s nothing wrong with being both grey-ace and grey-aro and still identifying as bi.
This Is a Backup Blog 