scarlettohairdye:

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good.
And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing.
So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers.

SO THIS DUDE
GOES TO THE STORE
AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING
Brings it home to his wife for her birthday
She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going
FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN
He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life
It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

And I love to imagine the conversation he had to have with the grocery store bakery.

fartgallery:

fartgallery:

just discovered a neat trick. if you make brownies but dont cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate 1 brownie

do not do this

derinthemadscientist:

johnnyfourballs:

rrozeselavy:

rich ppl are like so easily convinced abt ghosts I remember growing up it was near this vacant lot and whenever I broke a toy instead of going to face the wrath of my mother I would fucking bury it in that lot and then sure enough, some dude tried to develop the land and found a ton of buried rotten dolls and shit and told everyone it was haunted

it’s been over a decade and that lot is still vacant 

You single handedly tanked the value of someone’s prime real estate and that makes me happy

As soon as I read this I immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and I was five posts down my dash before I realised I was becoming Scooby Doo villain