Me: [Paladin] has a bow and a shitton of arrows. She still has no idea what she’s supposed to be aiming at rn, but what she lacks in accuracy she makes up for in enthusiasm
Bard, who is invisibly sneaking up on hidden enemies: ENTHUSIASM IS ANOTHER WORD FOR FRIENDLY FIRE
I’m binge watching interior design shows, and while some of the designs are truly Awful, I’mjust vibrating with the need to pick up a paint brush and paint the walls an elegant grey blue then go absolutely hog wild with garish fabrics and obnoxious metallic fixtures and showcase all the kitsch goth shit all y’all keep sending to my po box. Just wreck the resale value of the hell house and go bananas.
It’d be great.
Realtor attempting to sell our house in the future: as you can see the house retains a lot of it’s original features, original hardwood floors, this charming alcove and the abundance of natural light really highlights the … the giant skeleton fresco …
Realtor taking a swig from a hip flask and forcing a trembling smile onto their face: shall we take a look at the finished crypt?
it’s two in the morning and i slid my hand across the mattress to find my husband’s in the dark, but when we held hands in silence it was with our elbows bent and our thumbs curled around each other, all crooked and sideways
so it was only about a minute before i suddenly gripped his hand hard and flexed, which was the same amount of time it had taken him to stop resisting the temptation to say, “dillon, you son of a bitch”
I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.
I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.
This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.
Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.
A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?
While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!
NO.
NO NO NO NO.
NO.
Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.
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