the only valid naruto meta is the single use clothing sasuke theory my flatmates came up with after a drunken binge of the chuunin exams
“Single Use Clothing Sasuke” is a complex, multi-layered theory borne of the complex, multi-layered minds of my flatmates. It essentially boils down to the idea that Every Single Thing sasuke wears from the day of the uchiha massacre to the day he leaves the village are entirely different yet identical versions of the same two outfits. He only wears them once and then throws them out.
The idea behind this is based on the implications that a) sasuke lives alone in the uchiha compound which is intended to be lived in by hundreds of people, b) he was not cared or provided for in any way by the village adults after the massacre, and c) there are entire city blocks of empty uchiha houses full of free shit just sitting there, ESPECIALLY clothing.
Theory is as follows: sasuke, clearly unable to do his own laundry because he’s 12 and a moron, spends four years of his life using the abandoned clothes that previously belonged to the children in the uchiha clan as disposable clothing and there’s a landfill in Konoha somewhere just full of black playsuits.
Companion theory “One-Shirt Uzumaki” where naruto owns exactly one (1) set of clothing that he furiously hand washes every night at 1am.
you know what this is pretty plausible actually all things considered
Yall ever just fcking CRY because yamato’s trying to explain that Naruto has a disadvantage against Sasuke and that he’ll get badly hurt if he tries to fight Sasuke with wind element. but all this lovesick gay gets out of the convo isn’t that his element is weak to sasuke’s but that he makes sasuke’s fire stronger. He’s compatible with sasuke. Like for a sec yamato thought naruto’s thinking logically about being “compatible’ as in he can defeat sasuke’s lighting based chidori with his own wind based rasengan but, no, this smitten fool is talking about his wind strengthening sasuke’s fire. He doesnt care that Sasuke can hurt him but that he can make sasuke stronger, keep him alive. He sees it as a positive rather than a big negative and yamato’s so done and so am I
it haunts me everyday that kishi was asked if he’d date any of the women in naruto he created and he was like “haha no! i made them after all :-)” and then when he was asked if he’d date any of the men he was like “shikamaru.”
27 dicks were drawn on the teachers car. 5 suspects. zero answers.
– kiba is the main suspect. known dick drawer, everyone at school considers him a loser and a lost cause. claims he didnt do it. alibi: was supposedly getting high w his equally weird friends, shino and hinata (the proof: a live video of him drawing his fursona), but said he was going to take a shit at priceless moments (a deco shop at the corner) at the exact time when the dicks were painted. suspicious. motive: hes stupid. additionally, he is known for getting into frequent prank wars w friend naruto. could this be a prank taken too far?
– sai: second suspect. sai is also a known dick drawer and dick talker, but his quiet demeanor in classes caused people to forget about him at first. alibi: none (but the suspect raises an interesting question: “why would i paint dicks in the parking lot when i could do them at home and keep them?”). motive: also none. is it fair to judge sai based only on his love of dicks?
– naruto is a suspect for being a known pranker and the class clown. is associated with kiba. alibi: supposedly at his best friend slash rival slash fuck buddys, sasuke. no proof besides sasukes testimony, who said: “get fucked its none of your business”. motive: once again, it might have been a prank war that went too far. the spray paint is also a known naruto signature: in 2016 he was found guilty of spray painting the schools statue of its first principal, hashirama senju. question is, is he dumb enough to repeat a similar prank after being caught the first time?
– sasuke….. sasuke has the motive. just one day before TDI (The Dicks Incident) sasuke received a B on his spanish test. all of his classmates confirm: sasuke was very nervous and argued with the teacher. is this motive enough? his best friend slash rival slash fuck buddy, naruto, lets it slip during our interview: “yeah, he was- he was pretty mad, dude. i know its a sensitive issue for him because of his brother, yknow… itachi is fluent in spanish. he can get pretty… unreasonably competitive where his brothes concerned”. and guess what: one of the spanish teachers tires was slashed.
– gaara: scary fucker. pushed a kid down the stairs in middle school and threatened like everyone of murder. could be up to anything. motive: is scary. alibi: none of the students had the courage to ask
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