27 dicks were drawn on the teachers car. 5 suspects. zero answers.
– kiba is the main suspect. known dick drawer, everyone at school considers him a loser and a lost cause. claims he didnt do it. alibi: was supposedly getting high w his equally weird friends, shino and hinata (the proof: a live video of him drawing his fursona), but said he was going to take a shit at priceless moments (a deco shop at the corner) at the exact time when the dicks were painted. suspicious. motive: hes stupid. additionally, he is known for getting into frequent prank wars w friend naruto. could this be a prank taken too far?
– sai: second suspect. sai is also a known dick drawer and dick talker, but his quiet demeanor in classes caused people to forget about him at first. alibi: none (but the suspect raises an interesting question: “why would i paint dicks in the parking lot when i could do them at home and keep them?”). motive: also none. is it fair to judge sai based only on his love of dicks?
– naruto is a suspect for being a known pranker and the class clown. is associated with kiba. alibi: supposedly at his best friend slash rival slash fuck buddys, sasuke. no proof besides sasukes testimony, who said: “get fucked its none of your business”. motive: once again, it might have been a prank war that went too far. the spray paint is also a known naruto signature: in 2016 he was found guilty of spray painting the schools statue of its first principal, hashirama senju. question is, is he dumb enough to repeat a similar prank after being caught the first time?
– sasuke….. sasuke has the motive. just one day before TDI (The Dicks Incident) sasuke received a B on his spanish test. all of his classmates confirm: sasuke was very nervous and argued with the teacher. is this motive enough? his best friend slash rival slash fuck buddy, naruto, lets it slip during our interview: “yeah, he was- he was pretty mad, dude. i know its a sensitive issue for him because of his brother, yknow… itachi is fluent in spanish. he can get pretty… unreasonably competitive where his brothes concerned”. and guess what: one of the spanish teachers tires was slashed.
– gaara: scary fucker. pushed a kid down the stairs in middle school and threatened like everyone of murder. could be up to anything. motive: is scary. alibi: none of the students had the courage to ask
“uggh I can’t believe people are horny for Venom of all characters” do you…are you not aware of who Venom is like…as a character….a concept…Venom is the fuckiest character in Marvel history..this is literally the least surprising outcome
Venom is an alien slime that bonds to you physically and emotionally and transforms you into a muscle monster with huge teeth and a three-foot tongue and you’re SHOCKED that people want to get in on that? do you live in a cave?
THEORY: those are all people who aren’t into dudes so like, they’re super straight guys and super gay ladies who just haven’t seen she-venom yet
there’s a venom for everybody
oh??
some of you are furries????
oh??
some of you are carfuckers??
If we’re talking vehicle Venom’s…
(Warning: transformation apparently designed by a madman. and is frustrating)
yeah see they even got you covered if you’re into them transformlybots! You can’t wait to get up in that blocky metal chassis! In a sexual fashion I’ll bet!
I get it, though, some of you aren’t into any of this stuff
but….
I raise you ….
….whatever this is:
eh??
eh???????
Just kidding, of course I know what that is, it’s fish man venom with a moray eel hand riding an inflatable stingray version of himself.
There’s almost nothing about her on google but in this book of Inuit mythology we just read about
the spirit Erdlaversissoq, who will kill you if you laugh at her.
And that’s a challenge because she has a humongous giant ass and dances around singing “great is my ass, great is my ass,” stopping to bend over and lick her own buttcrack between verses.
Her butt also has “a family of sea scorpions dangling from it” (I have no idea what they’re translating as “sea scorpion” unless they mean the venomous fish) and also there’s a nose in the middle of her forehead
Another story from the same book (”A Kayak Full of Ghosts”) has a woman who only ever meets shitty worthless men until one day a disembodied skull rolls into her house, and magically turns into a sexy man just long enough for them to “couple wildly.”
He turns back into the skull and then brings her exactly the food she was craving.
…And that’s it, that’s the entire story. She marries the skull, which turns into a sexy dude and feeds her whenever she wants, happily ever after.
I still like the Sazae-oni because she’s a sea snail that became a sea demon and traditionally her head is just a shell with eyes (but she’s also emerging from a second, even bigger shell)
A legend goes that a sazaeoni took the form of a beautiful woman to be captured by pirates, then revealed her true form and she magically removed all of the pirate’s testicles
She only gave them back when they agreed to give her 100% of their treasure and this is all just the setup for a bad joke because there’s apparently a pun on “testicles” and “gold” you can make in Japanese so it’s like “Give me your GOLD for your GOLD haha get it I’m a large snail okay I’m pretty bored”
If you bleed, that is NOT your hymen being ‘popped’, it is a tear due to lack of sexual arousal and natural lubrication.
This is all a MYTH perpetrated by men so they don’t have to make sure you are comfortable and sufficiently aroused enough before you have sex with them. It is an excuse to disregard and hurt you.
This Is a Backup Blog 