Mr. Mochi has had free roam of the house for most of today because the house is finally kitty safe and he is engaging in the Grand Cat Tradition of “RACE THROUGH THE HOUSE AT MACH 5 CAREENING HAPAZARDLY AROUND CORNERS” but he keeps forgetting where Charlie is and every time he comes around the couch he remembers that The Dog Exists and tries to brake suddenly on the hardwood floor, fails, and then takes an Evasive Four Foot Vertical Leap to change directions in midair.
Charlie, meanwhile, is trying very hard to be firendly to Mochi but only kind of knows cat manners, so hes trying to play as best he remembers, which mostly involves gently batting your friend, but he is a decently sized dog that’s been interacting with humans for most of his brief life and scales his gestures thusly-
Which is an extremly overwrought way of saying my dog just smacked the cat out of midair and halfway across the living room.
Nobody’s hurt and Charlie is very sorry, but Mochi is now glaring at him from the stairs and refuses to come down no matter how many toys Charlie piles at the bottom of the stairs.
I remember when I was 9 years old neopets taught me what cum meant. Not what an orgasm is, but what the word cum meant. I was postin on the neoboards, doing my 9 year old thing, and all of a sudden I was kicked off the forum and blocked????? I was like what the fuck I’m 9 I just want to talk about my jubjub?? (his name was JubInATub how clever is that I know). So I investigated and it said I had been soft banned for using inappropriate language, and it had the word like censored and I had to click on it to see what it said, so I do and I see the word CUM written in bold red letters, plain as the morning sun, strung up and exposed to the brisk wind like freshly laundered linens, and was understandably offended like??? Cum on guys this has to be a mistake I was just asking what was the best time to cum to the ice caves and try to sneak some free shit from that ice snake bitch, that thing was ALWAYS awake. So my bitty 9 y/o brain was like what the hell neopets, maybe they just don’t understand Internet Lingo like obviously I was using a Hip and Cool instant message shorthand to save my precious 9 y/o time (a girls got shit to do like damn). So I was like let’s lay this to rest, I’m gonna google search this shit, screen shot the definition and send it in an email to the CEO Mr. Neopet himself, lay down some knowledge on these fogies. So my sweet little innocent fingers pull up Google dot com and type in the letters C-U-M expecting validation and let me tell you friends, what I found shocked my innocent child psyche to the core. The root of who I was got ripped to shreds, obliterated by the wood chipper that is this cruel and disgusting world we live in. That day changed me, it was a crossroads of my life and I was thrust down a path that I have yet to return from.
A common type of email I get about my website is like “I saw this toy/decoration on your site but I can’t find the price or the shopping cart!?!?” and then I feel weird because they think I’m like professionally running an online business and the truth is I’m blogging for fun about collectibles I quite often do not even actually own myself
One of my favorite thing I’ve learned about animals studies is that you should avoid using colorful leg bands when you’re banding birds because you can accidentally completely skew the data because female birds prefer males with colorful bands
Apparently if you put a red band on a male red wing blackbird his Harlem size can double
So like you can completely frick up the natural reproduction of a group of birds by giving a guy a bracelet so stylish that females CANNOT resist him
So in like 9th grade for some reason. We had to draw our own grave stones.
Everyone put a epitaph on it as per instructions. Stuff like “loving mother and daughter” yk the usual.
But I put “A Happy Person” on mine just because I didn’t know what i wanted it to say just that i didn’t want it to be defined by other ppl. Like your only a mother if there’s a kid yk?
So when we were done the teacher was like so “if you want that on your grave stone you should live up to it” or so thing like that.
When I was about ten years old, my dad called me into his home office for a moment. There was a bunch of incomprehensible code up on his computer screen.
“Press the enter key,” he said. I did. “Thanks,” he said. “I couldn’t bear to do it myself.”
And that’s the story of how I sent out one of the largest spam email campaigns of the 1990s.
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