if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them
teenagers: we are going to punch you
me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmiedteenagers: we are going to kick you
me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money
me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….teenagers: we are going to call you mean names
me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it !
me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you
me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Gardenteenagers: we are about to physically assault you
me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronautteenagers: we are going to commit felonies
me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle
me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochetteenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism!
me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfieldif theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died
the ginger beer trick online, someone take tumblr away from Sam Vimes please.
Tag: omg
I’ve been thinking lately about Dairine’s Ordeal and that whole “singlehandedly stopping the expansion of the universe” stunt that she pulled, and an interesting thought occurred to me. Assuming that Dari did indeed put a freeze on the entire universe and not just locally (either of which I consider entirely plausible), and that incredible flare of light happened everywhere, can you imagine what happened on Wellakh at that time?
Can you imagine the Wellakhit— a people taught by hard experience to fear sunfire above anything else— and their reaction to the entire universe suddenly going up in blinding light? It must have seemed like the end of days. I imagine the royal family had a hell of a time dealing with that particular mess.
Which makes me wonder if part of Roshaun’s initial resentment of Dairine comes from his having done his reading, so to speak— just as he encouraged her to do more than once— and discovered the précis of her Ordeal. Clearly based on their climactic argument in Wizard’s Holiday, he’s aware of some of her career history, so it’s not a stretch to imagine him looking over the details of her Ordeal and just
Do you mean she’s the one responsible for that shitshow?!?!?!
except probably phrased a tad more elegantly because this is Roshaun we’re talking about
Babylonian era problems. (photo via tbc34)
old school hate mail
Imagine how pissed you have to be to engrave a rock
Ok but there was this guy called Ea-nasir who was a total crook and would actually cheat people out of good copper and sell them shit instead.
The amount of correspondences complaining to and about this guy are HILARIOUS.Are you telling me we know about a specific guy who lived 5000 years ago, by name, because he was a huge asshole
More like 4000 years ago but yes. Ea-nasir and his dodgy business deals.
will olaf and minions ever end. will i be forced to live the rest of my life occasionally seeing olaf and minions
Said the Baudelaire children.
HERE’S THE THING THOUGH
I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click
And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”
So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is
“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”
I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:
“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”
I accidentally called the director of the FBI.
My job got investigated because a computer randomly spit out a number to the Pentagon.
New favorite site: Corpus Libris, which applies the concept of analog augmented reality to book covers. Best thing since Sorted Books.
(via this isn’t happiness)
muji spice book
Traveling with your spice rack is not ideal. This is why Japanese company, Muji, has made a book of spices to make flavoring your food while away from home a little bit easier.
This book from Muji is full of pages that are made of spiced paper, which dissolve from the heat and moisture of cooking. Now that kick of white pepper or red chili is just a tear away. And, since it is compact and perfectly portable, the Muji spice book is ideal for when you’re traveling!
“evil” warrior cats OC’s kits be like
This Is a Backup Blog 