That I was out playing pokemon go, and people all over the world had started seeing this new pokemon popping up. Like out of nowhere this little thing started appearing occasionally. No word from Nyantic or The Pokemon Company about when or why they had released it. The pokemon was called “sleepytired” and it looked like this.
And you couldn’t catch it, the ball would just go straight through it. People were data mining and shit trying to figure out how to catch this thing but they couldn’t. Eventually they would just have to give up and leave the encounter.
After a few weeks of people reporting sightings of it, and no word from Nyantic, some creepy shit started happening…
What started happening was, if you entered an encounter with a “sleepytired” with the AR on it would manifest in the real world. But it wouldn’t do anything. It would just float there, watching.
So people being curious started doing this whenever they could, and these things would just manifest and stay there. Obviously this was causing problems because these things would just be floating menacingly in local parks and in the local McDonald. And they couldn’t be moved, because anyone who tried to move them or touch them would be struck by sudden, intense, chronic fatigue that seemingly had no cure.
The last part of the dream I remember was watching a news broadcast telling people that pokemon go was now illegal, and to avoid touching or disturbing the creepy little things that are now just about everywhere.
An app that shows you where there’s a young man in possession of a good fortune who must be in want of a wife
On the radar:
Gentleman with 5,000 pounds a year Handsome tragic veteran Dashing officer of good breeding Gentleman with 10,000 pounds a year Liberal-minded heir to a large estate
Your phone buzzes:
Mr. Collins
Your mother runs into the room “the lure I placed on netherfield park has worked at last. There is a young man in possession of good fortune, one of the girls must surely catch him”
I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. I’m the one who told him about the game. I’m the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?
Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the “fat fighting orange dragon”
It’s gotten so bad he’s started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.
Okay adding to this. My dad isn’t great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:
“I have a cool pineapple head now!”
“I was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.”
“And the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!” (he still can’t remember what a Dragonite is called)
BUT THEN. but then. he’s also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? He’s level 27 and talks about how “the gym wars are brutal, babe,” and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)
And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I can’t stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that don’t because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? He’s about to evolve two more. H E L P.
and he says shit like, “Learning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.” and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??
This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point he’s so far beyond my skill with the game (he’s been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I don’t even know what to tell him. I literally can’t advise him.
My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.
Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like, “Okay I’ll join your team babe!”
And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.
I ain’t even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. He’s happy there. It’s his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. It’s super cute.
My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one
So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I don’t know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up with “some friends I’ve never met” to take down the gym for Team Instinct.
Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.
He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says, “hey I’m gonna go for a walk” and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforce ‘his’ gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.
At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.
Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.
This got a new batch of notes, so here’s a Dad Update.
He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently he’s watching the anime almost every night. He’s on season 2. I think he’s just gonna go through and watch it A L L which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.
Out of the 6 Gyrados he’s evolved, he’s kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see he’s caught 585 of them.
Five hundred eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??
Apparently he still hasn’t decided which Magikarp to evolve.
not that it really matters but some people seem to think that this is a pokestop and not a gym. i am here to confirm that it is in fact a gym and i do plan on conquering it.
When the buddy Pokémon update is released later this fall, small Pokémon like Eevee will travel in the shoulders of their trainers while big Pokémon like Snorlax will walk next to you.
The maximum speed you can go and still gain credit towards hatching your eggs is 10.5 kmph.
The game does not measure your exact speed; it measures the distance you have travelled every minute. This means the maximum distance you can walk in a minute is 175meters.
The most efficient way to hatch your eggs is to walk in a straight line, the game “draws a line” from where you were to where you are now and measures that distance. So, obviously a person walking in a zigzag pattern will get less distance towards hatching their egg.
The distance displayed on the egg only updates every 4 minutes.
The game still counts your distance if you are still moving when you are catching a pokemon
The first one is forgivable: it is so small that Zapdos barely notices it, tucked snug against Spark’s side of the nest, beneath a pink blanket with a teddy nestled at her side. “She was hungry,” Spark explains, scratching Zapdos’s neck feathers, “and alone, and I couldn’t just leave her.” And Zapdos understands for once Spark was little and hungry and alone. When the little one – Kayla, Spark calls her – wakes, she mewls with fear. Zapdos wraps a wing around her, tugs her close. Quiet yourself chick, he says. You are safe now.
The second one is a little more vexing, for it is larger and makes more noise. It is a male human, red-cheeked and screaming. “I want my Daddy! I want my Mummy!” And Spark’s eyes are wet as he pulls the howling bundle close and murmurs comfort; for he and Zapdos both know that this little one was abandoned, and his parents will not return. After seven nights he realises this as well, and his outraged cries turn to snuffling, and Spark sings into his hair you’re here now, you’re my family now. Zapdos fusses about the nest, adding blankets here and stolen tarpaulins there, weatherproofing it. There’s enough space, he decides. They can take in another chick.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth humans are cumbersome. The eldest is as large as Spark and thinks that she should be in charge of their nest. You live in a fucking cave, she says, why should we trust you? We were managing fine on our own, why should I trust you with my siblings? And Spark said, calm as ever, winter’s coming, you’ll freeze; it’s safe here; I can help. And the human’s Persian spits and hisses in fury, arched-back pressing to her knees; the fifth human (the second littlest) cuddles his frightened Igglybuff closer. Zapdos had been hiding, not wanting to scare the chicks; but at the threat to his trainer he emerges, flaring his yellow wings wide, allowing lightning to crackle in the air. The eldest human screams. Her voice is very shrill. “That’s – that’s a god,” and to Spark’s embarrassment she sinks to her knees Zapdos preens. He likes this human. The Igglybuff chirrups will you look after us and Zapdos sighs and says, there’s room in the nest for another.
Numbers six through thirty two come one after the other, every night, mostly alone but some in pairs or threes. Not all are little, but all are hungry. “You’re Spark, right?” says one, a woman of twenty seven – ten years Spark’s senior– with a child clinging to her skirts, another on her hip, another in her belly. Half her face is covered by a great black bruise. “You take in those that need it? Can you take care of my children? I’ve got to – I’ve got to go, and they can’t stay with him –” her voice snags. Breaks. Spark smiles his gentle, easy smile. “You can stay too, you know.” There’s barely any room left in the nest. Zapdos is scouting for another home. And he lowers his beak to her belly and says welcome home.
After thirty eight, Zapdos stops counting. He finds an old, overgrown mill and sets about tearing off the vines and chasing away the infestation of Ghastlys and Haunters. Spark’s humans help. An electrician with a shattered femur, hobbling along on crutches, sets up the wiring; a former soldier who wakes screaming each night goes to get paint, bright yellow and gleaming. Everything smells fresh, new and sharp. The sun rises on a hub of activity.
Some humans leave, after a while. Some stay. Pokemon come and go as well, and when they find out that the Zapdos that lives in the attic is not going to eat them, they start to nest. They stay. Soon there’s a nest of some kind in every corner, and you have to be very careful where you step, lest you trip over an egg – or anger an irate Electrabuzz mother by standing on her tail! Professor Willow stops by with some incubators. “Spark used to live with me,” he explains. “Not for long – he’s too feral to stay put! Always chasing after his instincts, always looking for adventure.”
Spark says, “I think my instinct is telling me to stay.”
The cellars are full of eggs, the rooms full of noise as the humans and Pokemon train. It is anything but peaceful. The nest is bursting at the seams. Soon, they’ll have to find another gym. Another nest. Challengers come, demanding to know who owns this gym – Mystic or Valor? It’s so makeshift, so tumbledown; the trainers aren’t exactly professionals; there’s so many electric Pokémon that the power is constantly out (when it’s not running so high you genuinely fear for your life when you turn on a lightbulb).
“This is Team Instinct,” says Spark, twenty four and proud. “Pokémon are creatures with excellent intuition! I reckon that’s due to the way they’re hatched. Besides. You never lose when you trust your instincts! What’ll it be? Want to join us? Or want to battle?”
This Is a Backup Blog 