“The cardinals assembled at Perugia after the death of Pope Nicholas IV in April 1292. After more than two years, a consensus had still not been reached. Pietro, well known to the cardinals as a Benedictine hermit, sent the cardinals a letter warning them that divine vengeance would fall upon them if they did not quickly elect a pope. Latino Malabranca, the aged and ill dean of the College of Cardinals cried out, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I elect brother Pietro di Morrone.” The cardinals promptly ratified Malabranca’s desperate decision. When sent for, Pietro obstinately refused to accept the papacy, and even, as Petrarch says, tried to flee, until he was finally persuaded by a deputation of cardinals accompanied by the king of Naples and the pretender to the throne of Hungary.”
anyone who says “the bible is clear” about an issue, is 100% of the time wrong. the bible wasnt clear once. the bible couldnt be clear about how to make a table if it came in an ikea box
Exodus 25:23-30
well ill be darned
the only thing the bible is clear on is how to make furniture but only because jesus was a carpenter
have y’all ever had communion bread that was just so….nasty? like i know we have to suffer as christians, but do we really need to have whole wheat bread as the body of christ?
my old church used hawaiian bread. my standards are high
Some old housemates of mine were Syrian Orthodox. At their church different members of the church took turns baking the bread that would be consecrated for the Eucharist. This was all well and good until one woman baked raisin bread. This led to the memorable occasion of a rather flustered priest, who had not seen the bread until that moment, declaring, “This – except for the raisins – is the Body of Christ.”
Me: *thinking about Christian memes* What if Jesus had come in 2017 instead of back during Roman times? Would He, instead of using parables, have spoken in memes?
Roommate: I hate you. You aren’t allowed to have any more thoughts about Jesus.
Me: It’s not like its heresy! It isn’t insulting!
Roommate: Yes, it is! Memes are inherently sin, a sign of the Devil’s influence on this fallen world!
Satan: turn these stones into bread
Jesus: bold of you to assume that man can live on bread alone
Let’s be honest: Jesus wouldn’t take the wheel. Jesus would let Peter drive, fall asleep in the back seat, wake up to the sound of the other eleven screaming in mortal terror (while Peter bellows expletives at the car in front), and get them out of a fatal car accident at the very last second by rebuking the speed limit.
my aunt was talking to someone she goes to church with about the bakery that wouldnt bake wedding cakes for gays or whatever and the lady she was talking to was going on about how she shouldnt HAVE to and my aunt says
“karen, would jesus bake the cake”
“…………..[sighs] i guess jesus would bake the cake.”
This never stops making me laugh. Which prolly makes me a terrible, cynical person, but oh well.
So, a few years ago, Yom Kippur was coming up and I really needed to ask forgiveness of a Gentile friend who I had failed a couple times that year, and even though the friend hadn’t mentioned it, it had been eating at me. This friend didn’t really know anything about Judaism.
So I contacted him, by email, (we were in different countries at this time) and I said “I know that I failed you with [thing], and I just want to say how sorry I am. I will try to fix it in the future. If I have done anything else that may have harmed you at any time in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I am truly sorry. I ask that you will forgive me. I hope that you will accept my apology. Please let me know before 3 days from now.”
My friend promptly responded with the following: “Are you dying????”
The Moral of the Story: explain what Yom Kippur is to your gentile friends.
Well, Yom Kippur IS “practice for being dead”, according to my machzor, so
Donald Trump is exactly the kind of person that Jesus would have thrown out of the temple and beaten with a stick, and the fact that so many self-identified Christians want to put him in office tells you pretty everything wrong with white American Christianity.
I 100% can’t tell if you’re joking here but he actually did chase people out of a temple at least once for using religion for their own selfish gains, complete with literal table flipping and improvised whips
So really it’s not that he would have trump thrown out as much as he would storm in and accuse him of turning his father’s house into a den of thieves before upending a table on his head
Dude, Jesus not only chased them out, he broke stuff they were selling, let loose all of their animals, and fucking flipped all the money-changing tables.
Jesus 100% would have been chasing Trump out with a table leg.
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