DM: So, now that the rogue managed to get the rubies out without electrocuting himself, you can see inside and see a button inside.
Magus: I’m the only one who sees this?
DM: You were the only one who asked to look instead of looting.
Magus: I stand there and stare at the button for a long time. I am sweating intensely. My +4 intelligence is telling me all the bad things that could happen, but my chaotic an curious nature are fighting against it.
DM: So?
Magus: Fuck it I press it.
DM: You hear a click but nothing happens.
Magus: Despite knowing that that button could’ve resulted in my death in many ways, I feel disappointed it didn’t do anything.
Paladin: Its okay, I understand the need to press mysterious buttons.
Magus: How can I NOT when I don’t know what they do! I need to know!
Paladin: Especially if they’re red and or on a panel that says do not touch.
Magus (loudly): EXACTLY!
Tag: Shaun Reely
Most mad scientists in movies are actually just mad engineers
It’s always “I’ll use this gigantic laser to blow up the moon”, and never “I’ll test the effect this gigantic laser has on the moon, my hypothesis is that it will blow up”
“I’m going to test the effects of deadly neurotoxin on the island of Manhattan. The control group will be Long Island, which I will not release deadly neurotoxin upon.”
How do you “Science” a door open?
(via outofcontextdnd)
Seriously, it kills me when I see people hold scientists up as pinnacles of logic and reason.
Because one time the professor I was interning for got punched in the face by another professor, because mine got the funding, and told the other professor his theory was stupid.
This same professor told me to throw rocks to scare the “stupid fucking crabs” into moving so we could count them properly.
SCIENCE
thank you
this is one of the best comments this post has recieved
I have witnessed:
Two professors hiding around a corner and snickering, “Shhh, here she comes!” While a female professor approached and, when she finally found them, she proceeded to scream while pointing from one to the other, “You! I called your office but you weren’t there! So I tried to call YOUR office to figure out where HE was but YOU weren’t there!”
Two grad students standing outside a closed and locked door yelling, “Come out of the damn office. You haven’t left for days. If you didn’t have a couch in there I’d be concerned as to where you were sleeping!”
A religious studies professor apologizing for being late to class because, “security stopped me because I’m dressed like a hobbit”
Watched a professor snort the results of my experiment to determine if I had the right final compound.
Two archeology professors toss priceless fossilized teeth back and forth in an attempt to figure out who is smarter by “guessing the type of tooth and species of animal before it lands”
Multiple fully degreed individuals throw dry ice at one another in an attempt to be first to use the lab/get that piece of equipment/or change the iPod song.
A genetics professor build furniture out of stacks of paper and planks of wood because she is that far behind in grading papers/responding. One of the impromptu furniture pieces housed a fish tank.
I could go on but I think that covers the larger portion of the insanity…
Every time it comes around on my dash, it gets better.
– I have had a professor buy a huge fuckoff bottle of rum during fieldwork in Costa Rica and let the undergrads get wasted because “you’re not underage in Costa Rica and we’ll be up all night with the bats anyway!”
– Same professor hung a bat from her headlamp and wore it as a decoration for an entire night.
– A whole swarm of older women – and these are women with PhDs and world-renown bat experts, the bigwigs – all, to a woman, go to the formal charity dinner at an international research symposium in Toronto in late October dressed in skimpy Batgirl costumes. Because Halloween was that weekend, you see.
– At a different conference, a professor get blackout drunk and pass out on the side of the road.
– “Yeah, we have to say we did it properly for the grant but to be really honest, Miracle-gro works better.”
– Teaching lab: we had liquid nitrogen for a demo, and after class the professor, the other TA, and I spent a good two hours freezing and breaking things in it.
a chemistry class begins with 30 students nine months later just six of us left sitting on tables dipping paper into contaminated chemicals to see what happens when we burn it teacher making idle suggestions while he marks our work
“go to the fume hood thing, yeah now put some potassium in chlorine” can i burn the results sir? “fuck it sure whatever its tainted anyway”
The prof I’m working for just asked me if I knew how to pick a lock, and when I responded “yes” she replied, “see, this is why I hire the former delinquents instead of the suck-ups. You’re actually useful.”
I then let her into her office.
I once had a professor dip a cookie in the liquid nitrogen we were using to freeze DNA samples and proceed to eat said cookie so he could breathe out the evaporating nitrogen and look like a dragon
What if people with cybernetic limbs in stories treated them the same way we do headphones or USB extensions?
They’ll be sitting down, letting their implants charge, before deciding they need to get more food from the kitchen, standing up and walking away, but forgetting to unplug themselves and landing on their back from the jerk-back or sending their laptops crashing to the floor.
Or have them grow increasingly frustrated as they have to constantly flip the usb charge plug because it wouldn’t fit the first 2 times
That feeling when you wake up and your arm doesn’t work because you forgot to plug it in before bed, so you need to drive to work one-handed while you charge it on your cigarette lighter.
When your arm stops working mid way in a motion because you used it all day and forgot to charge it again.
When you get up to get something and left your arm to charge and can’t open a bag of chips/jar/etc with one hand.
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