V: Hey Siddy guess what happened with that Luke guy S: I hope you’re contacting me to report he’s been turned, or failing that, taken prisoner, or failing that, killed S: and if you call me Siddy one more time I am officially changing your name to Darth Vaddy on all the official documents V: nah the Luke guy fell down a shaft and my Force senses tell me he’s still alive S: how did you manage to accomplish this particular military outcome using the tens of thousands of troops under your command V: not important V: the important part is S: oh no V: just before he fell down the shaft S: please tell me you didn’t V: I was like “Obi-Wan never told you the truth” S: Vader what is WRONG is with you V: “I am your father!” S: do you HAVE to try to convince every Jedi that you’re their father
C-3PO, but with bad image recognition, just walking around Tatooine with his hands over his eyes being constantly scandalized by the sand dunes because his AI tells him he’s surrounded by an endless expanse of nude flesh.
i’m in the middle of re-watching the original sw trilogy and hands down the best thing about esb is leia and han experiencing the same feelings for eachother but at totally different speeds.
leia, processing emotions at a reasonable pace: i think i like him
han, that same afternoon: dead diary i have accepted that she hates me but instead of dealing with the heartache like a mature adult i’m gonna catch a big-ass attitude and insist on returning to a life of crime where i don’t have to worry about dumb things like being in love.
leia: you’re quite nice when you aren’t being such a scoundrel
han, vibrating with the effort to keep from launching himself vertically into the vacuum of space: s c o und rel
leia: i love you
han, making a mental note to start practicing his brand new ‘mr. organa’ signature the second he’s out of the carbonite: i know
on the other hand remember how in rotj he decided to slow down on making unfounded assumptions about leia’s interest in him and accidentally slowed all the way down?
han: so um, i think it’s really cool that you love luke, you guys are gonna be great together haha guess i’ll see you guys around sometime?!?!?!
leia, already taking her clothes off: god han you’re so fucking stupid
leia: i am leia organa, princess of alderaan, and i’m in charge here flyboy
Cody had nine cups of coffee that morning, and was vibrating into the fourth dimension so he stopped listening after “execute order six-” order six, CANONICALLY, is “get rid of your communicator as fast as possible”. So that’s what Cody hears, and that’s what Cody relays to the GAR. So Palpatine executes his master stroke and six million clones just YEET their communicators and keep going about their business.
I was reading this fanfiction on AO3 of a crossover between Naruto and SW, when I started thinking about the character traits of TPM Anakin from an Eastern Perspective.
And it hit me, Little Ani was a perfectly goodkid in TPM. Hell, if the kid had been presented in front of a cache of martial artists in Asia, they’d be fighting each other to get him under their wing, instead of uttering words of foreboding, telling everyone who would listen that this kid is dangerous.
Anakin’s fear and worry for his mother would not have been perceived as signs of darkness but as the wonderful trait of filial piety. In fact, had he been calm and detached the whole time, had he been able to just shrug off the immense feeling of loss at leaving his mother like that, the martial artists would’ve been far more worried and probably would think Anakin to heartless and cold. There’s a common belief that if you could forget your own birth mother so easily, you wouldn’t have much loyalty to your adopted family of warriors either. They would’ve helped the kid in freeing his mother and encouraged him to visit whenever there’s off-time or vacation because most martial artists would recognize the difference between unhealthy, baseless fear and understandable worry for an actual problem that needed to be resolved.
And then there are the other traits, behold the 7 virtues of Bushido, which is a general list of traits and standards that one should uphold to be considered a good human being. Little Ani practically displayed all of these character traits during the events of TPM. Sure, he had anger issues, but the kid’s only nine, there’s still time to help him work through it and teach him how to handle these powers. Another common belief amongst the Chinese: If the student’s already perfect in everything but skillset, what use do you have for a master?
Any martial arts faction would’ve been proud to induct Anakin as an initiate and the master that gets him would be counting his lucky stars for being able to have an apprentice like this. If you see a kid like this in any Wuxia genre story, people would be falling over themselves to praise and befriend him. And yet, the space cult monks only see his darkness. Seriously??!
Bottom Line: Anakin Skywalker was a great kid, perfect af martial artist material but the space cults ruined him. The poor kid would have done so much better as a wandering swordsman or samurai.
FIGHT ME ON THIS, I DARE YOU.
Wow. This is awesome. Now I need an AU where Baze and Chirrut show up to recruit “rejected” order candidates. “Oh, too old for the Order then? All is as the Force wills it. Baze will go invite your mother to join too and we can all go home together.”
“Excuse me, this is our council chamber and we are in the middle of evaluating this candidate,” Mace says. “Did Qui-Gon let you in?”
“Sounds like you’ve already made a decision about him before your meeting began,” Baze remarks. “And just what is so wrong about missing and fearing for his mother that you just left in slavery?” He asks coming to stand by Anakin.
“Slavery is an affront to the Force. To do nothing in the face if its evil is to invite darkness,” Chirrut proclaims leaning on his staff.
“Are you Jedi too?” Anakin asks with growing hope, a warmth filling him where before he was cold down to his bones. “Will you–will you really free my mother?”
That sounds like an excellent idea for an AU, Chirrut and Baze taking Anakin back to the temple in Jedha would have saved everyone a lot of pain. I would love to read more of this.
So Chirrut and Baze adopt Anakin (none of this master stuff). Anakin insists they help Padme’s Queen so they decide to tag along with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.
(”Master, why are they here?” Obi-Wan asks in a hissing voice.
“The Force wills it,” Chirrut answers from the other side of the room.
“Anakin wants to help his friends and help people suffering. That’s a good thing,” Baze adds pointedly.)
Baze has a whole lot to say about sending the Gungans in as cannon fodder. Chirrut lets the tooka out of the bag that Padme is the Queen while en route (it’s not like he can see her “cunning disguise” after all). Padme is happy to learn about the Guardians and wants to develop deeper ties with them after she liberates her planet. Anakin still ends up flying in the battle and destroying the ship. Chirrut helps out with Darth Maul in his usual way, waiting and following behind the fight until the Force prompts him to act, saving Qui-Gon’s life and knocking Darth Maul out (he and Baze decide to take the Sith back with them to Jeddah. Baze does not like the idea of leaving Maul to be interrogated under this new Supreme Chancellor, especially when Chirrut positively recoils from the man). Qui-Gon keeps trying to get Anakin to consider joining the Order.
(”But … the council doesn’t want me,” Anakin reminds him carefully. “I’m too old.”
“I can still train you without their approval,” Qui-Gon insists.
“But you have Obi-Wan, who is AMAZING. I saw the footage from the saber fight with the Sith. He’s your student. Plus, if I go with Baze and Chirrut I get to free my mom just like in my dream.”)
Palpatine is NOT happy that he will be losing access to the Chosen One but is he really that necessary to his plans? No, he just wanted to corrupt him to really stick it to the Jedi Order when he orchestrates their downfall. He can always go to that backwater planet later and pick the boy up if he needs him. Really, like a bunch of crystal worshipers with no Force talent will be any threat to him. Anakin says goodbye to the Jedi Order and to Padme (they’ve exchanged comm info. Anakin plans to write her soon) and they rescue his mom (who’s own Force abilities are more than welcomed by the Guardians) and go to Jeddah.
Other than still dealing with copious amounts of sand, Anakin is quiet happy in his new life.
Following this post (months later because this got buried in my drafts lol), here’s some other things that are going to take DAV Anakin a lot of getting used to in the post-Empire galaxy:
The concept of regular time off. Not leave time, or the kind of spy “vacations” he and Kadee used to joke about, but just…leaving work at work and relaxing because…well, because he can. Not to recharge for the next mission, or to search for the will of the Force, or even for medical procedures. (“That’s what sick leave is for,” Leia tells him, more than once. “You have medical leave, and you have vacation time, and you have personal time. You can take time to just relax.”)
Having a salary. It’s not that Anakin doesn’t understand money. He used to do inventory for Watto and of course there’s a lot of accounting that goes into a war, so he’s actually quite good on that front. It’s just…never been his money before. He’s not quite sure what to do with it, after all the medical expenses and the food expenses and all the other necessities he hasn’t had to think about before are taken care of, and there’s still money left over. And it’s…a lot of money? Mainly because Leia insisted that the Republic would pay him at the same rate as its top military brass, which he still thinks is excessive, but every time he says that she glowers like she’s going to bring Palpatine back to life and then slowly murder him all over again with the strength of her eyes alone.
There are…a lot of choices. Choices for absolutely everything, even absurdly minor things like toothbrushes and laundry detergent. Choices are good, Anakin likes choices, sometimes they’re even exciting, but…sometimes capitalism is just exhausting.
Seriously, that salary thing. “They’re paying me more in one year than I’m worth at auction!” he snaps once in a frustrated thoughtless moment, and it will be years yet before he fully understands why Luke and Leia are so upset.
Saying no to a superior is actually an option now. If Mon Mothma asks if he’s available to cover a mission, and he says no, she’ll find someone else. Sometimes (okay, most of the time) she still has to place a strong emphasis on “if you’re available,” and sometimes she even has to remind him that he can say no. But she does remind him.
It’s not that he ever misses the damn mask, but sometimes he does kind of…forget that people can see his face now. That when he rolls his eyes during one of Admiral Brennan’s endless monologues, that’s not invisible anymore. (In fact, it takes him longer than it probably should to remember this consistently, and in the meantime Anakin’s array of snarky expressions during meetings become infamous among the rank and file of the Republic military and even many of the political staff. Simply put, there are memes. Intern Jan passes on the day’s schedule to Intern Marvash, who responds with a gif of Anakin miming slow death by boredom. It’s tagged #same.)
Sometimes, people flirt with him. This is not something Anakin’s ever actually had to deal with before – people generally respected Jedi vows under the Republic, and no one would ever have attempted to flirt with Darth Vader. Of course he did flirt with Padme, but that was always mutual and both of them were pretty earnest and direct people. It’s now been twenty years, four limbs, and full body third degree burns since Anakin even considered any of this, and the truth is, he wouldn’t consider it now, if not for Han directly pointing it out to him every time someone makes a pass at him. And, tbqh, for the longest time he thinks that Han is just trolling him. It takes Leia backing Han up to finally convince him that, okay, maybe the woman who wrote her com number on his napkin is interested. For some reason. He still can’t figure out why she would be. Leia and Luke, and even Han, look a little uncomfortable and oddly…sad?…when he says that, but they don’t really press.
Apparently, you need a permit for everything. This is also not something Anakin’s had to deal with before. “Jedi business” was pretty much carte blanche under the old Republic for everything from ignoring speed limits, to disregarding traffic controllers, to remaining blissfully unconcerned with trespassing ordinances. Darth Vader was accountable to his Master, often painfully so, but no one else was going to press him on the finer points of Coruscant traffic law. But now he needs a license to operate a speeder, and he has to pass a test to get that license. Anakin finds the test itself almost insulting, and Luke laughs at him for much longer than necessary. He cuts off abruptly, though, when Anakin points out that his Tatooine-raised Rebel pilot son also doesn’t have a proper Core World license.
Democracy. Democracy looks very different when you’re actually participating in it. Tatooine is a fully fledged member state of the Republic now, no longer a colony world. Change is still slow, though, and centuries of history don’t just disappear. But for the first time in his life, Anakin is a citizen. He and Luke cast their first ever ballots to elect Imer Moonspinner as Tatooine’s first ever senator. And, okay, maybe he helps the freedom network by calling in a few favors with a few contacts who take the necessary steps to ensure that the Hutts’ thugs won’t be able to prevent all of the newly freed people from voting, but that’s just…safeguarding democracy. He’s pretty sure that’s what Padme would call it. Leia approves, anyway, and that’s good enough for him. And when Imer wins the election and Anakin and Luke are there at her victory celebration, watching Kitster whirl her through the air as everyone around them laughs and cries at once, it feels…good. Like maybe they can actually change things. Of course, it’ll probably be only a few weeks before Imer is commiserating with Leia and Pooja about the still-all-too-corrupt Senate, but for now, the voice of the people has overpowered that of the Hutts, and that’s something to celebrate.
And maybe the biggest change of all: Anakin has a family, a surprisingly large family actually, and he doesn’t have to hide that from anyone anymore. There’s no law against him having a family, and no Master to threaten anyone he knows Anakin cares about. He can (and does) proudly talk to anyone about his amazing children Luke and Leia. He can reconnect with his brother Kitster and get to know Imer and their children. He can start to rebuild a relationship with the Naberries (Pooja first, probably). After a bit of rebuilding with Ahsoka, too, he can finally call her his sister and not have it feel like an immense terrible forbidden secret.
The first time he tells Mon Mothma he won’t be available for a mission because he already has plans with his family, she actually grins at him. It’s the largest smile he’s ever seen on her. “Good,” she says brusquely. “I’ll find someone else then. Enjoy your weekend with the family, Anakin.”
This Is a Backup Blog 