I just realized that Clark Kent probably works at the Daily Planet because it means he and his super-senses are planted right in the middle of a bunch of investigative journalists all day long. He probably knows more about Metropolis’ corruption and abuses of power than anyone else in the world, just by virtue of existing in the Daily Planet’s vicinity.
I imagine also that he works there for the reverse reason. Think about all the things he knows about the people in positions of power in the city that Really Should be made known to the public, but he can’t figure out a way to legitimately excuse having that knowledge? Well, all he has to do is drop a hint of a thread in the lap of someone like Lois Lane and his coworkers and friends will be on it like bloodhounds, with a firm air of legitimacy that he himself would never, ever have. Because honestly? Clark Kent probably knows that “I heard about it with my magic alien hearing” isn’t and SHOULDN’T be admissible in a court of law or public opinion. But aiming some good old fashioned investigative journalists in the most competitive news organisation in the city at it? Perfectly legitimate.
Villain: “Hah! What are you going to do, punch me for tax evasion? Lock me up for conspiracy? With what court-admissible evidence? Admit it Superman, there’s nothing you can do here.”
Superman: “Guess not.”
Later, Clark Kent at the Daily Planet watching his colleagues work: “My god, they’re like bureaucratic piranhas. They went through his entire IRS filings for the last eight quarters in thirty minutes flat.”
sorrowverse supergirl has the backstory that i mistakenly remembered her having in the animated series, which is the lone survivor of a kryptonian lost in space family, accustomed to exciting space adventures
sorta like if earth had exploded while the robinsons were in space, and also a ship malfunction killed everyone but penny
i. had not considered comet. my instinct is “a regular horse that kara put a cape on” but that is free to change at the slightest whim–wait, i’m reading these search results and they’re saying that comet is actually a shapeshifting centaur who could be either a regular horse or a man that dated kara. he’s a werehorse who only becomes a dateable man in the presence of a comet. i guess that means my stance is “what the fuck”
do you think the dc universe has a news site like the onion that’s just like…
“meddling parents still alive, preventing bruce wayne from adopting yet anther orphan”
“new study shows that 87% of all americans class superman as american citizen despite being born on a different planet, but only 49% avoided eye contact when asked about why martian manhunter doesn’t count”
“area woman thanking her lucky stars that batman and superman fell out on the same day she was due to go to boss’ niece’s bat mitzvah”
“arkham guard astonished by trip to iron heights, only now learning what locks are for”
“area man pretty sure he should be making more than $60k a year if his boss has 10 billion dollars to waste on robotic exosuit”
“breaking news: lex luthor sues superman for loss of earnings, claims that continually losing fights to him is negatively affecting his work ethic”
“Hub City mayor declares state of unemergency after two hours without a violent crime”
“grown man who dresses in halloween costume every night thinks clown his biggest problem”
“disappointed child realizes Booster Gold at birthday party the real one, not just a guy in a costume”
“drunk Aquaman rampages through ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ ride”
“new Teen Titan not attached to any Justice League member wonders why they’ve been issued a uniform with a red shirt”
“Earth totally not a tax haven, say Green Lantern Corps as they assign eighth lantern to same planet”
“’no one knows how to stop him’ says armed police officer as non-powered clown-themed supervillain begins 82nd massacre this year”
Clark doesn’t dress as Superman for the Daily Planet’s annual Halloween party just for the sake of irony.
He also does it because he knows that Bruce will find out, because Bruce always finds out, and he thinks it’ll be hilarious.
Well, that plus Bruce is always getting on his case about the fact that he doesn’t even bother to wear a mask as Superman. Clark has tried to explain it, how posture and body language can change people’s perceptions, how he keeps his Midwestern drawl as Clark, but drops it for Superman, how he wears intentionally ill-fitting clothing as Clark to hide his body shape…
Bruce believes him, but only begrudgingly. After watching the fifth talk show where Bruce has to comment about how “Do the butts match?” Clark has to wonder if Bruce isn’t also maybe a little bit jealous. It’s a good thing that Clark isn’t the petty sort, (Except maybe he kind of is, just a little bit.)
He almost buys the “Stripper Superman” Halloween outfit because it makes him crack up; only the fact that it’s a work party dissuades him. Instead he goes for the one that has fake muscles in it. They’re so awful, and so anatomically incorrect that he has to go for it. The fabric is shiny, and the “S” stretches funnily across his chest when he tries it on; the fabric is, after all, also cheap. The cape only goes down to his waist, and he has to buy the tights separately. It doesn’t comes with shoes, only boot covers, and he immediately decides he’s going to wear crocs.
Because he’s Superman.
He can do what he wants.
Bruce finds out about his plans (…because of course he does), and tries to talk him out of it. Clark listens politely, then mentions politely that he’s been watching episodes of drag race to get tips on how to make a fake derriere for his costume. After all, he’s got to make sure that the butts match.
Bruce leaves him alone after that (except to mutter darkly that Clark’s secret identity is going to be blown, and is Clark really-?)
When he gets dressed for the party, Clark makes sure not just to slick back his hair, but to make it obvious it’s slicked back. He parts it to the “wrong” side, like he was looking in the mirror when he did his hair, and forgot everything was backwards. He puts on the ridiculous, ill-fitting costume, the crocs, the boot covers, and adjusts all the foam “muscles” so that he “looks like Superman.”
He wears his glasses, because everyone knows Clark Kent can’t see without his glasses. He makes sure to slouch at the party, to keep to the mannerisms that scream to the world “I Am Clark Kent And Definitely Not Superman Nope.” And if his drawl is a little stronger that night then normal? It’s probably the available drinks.
Funnily enough, he’s not actually the only person to dress up as Superman; Superman is a popular figure at the Daily Planet, and there are enough costumed fans to have a “Superman look-alike” competition.
When Bruce finds out that Clark came in last place… Well, it’s hard not to act smug.
there was a golden age superman comic where someone called a hit out on clark kent, and so a sniper tried to shoot him while he was out having lunch with lois
except he’s fucking superman so the bullets just fell off his chest into his lunch and clark just had to pretend nothing happened and hope lois wouldn’t notice that someone just fucking shot him
the hitman thinks maybe he just missed and gets ready to shoot him again, but then he’s watching through the scope as clark starts to eat the fucking bullets to hide the fucking evidence, acting like everything is totally normal as he noshes down on lead
dude just packs his shit up and leaves town because reporters in this city eat bullets for lunch and he’s not fucking with that no way no how
WHAT
YOU FOUND IT
THREE YEARS
150K NOTES
AND FINALLY SOMEONE TOLD ME WHERE TO FIND THE FUCKING PANELS
things i misremembered:
it was silver age
it wasn’t lois, it was another, completely different female reporter for some reason
i distinctly remembered the closeup on clark’s fucking teeth but misremembered it as being relevant to the story when it was actually just. there. the sniper didn’t notice and just thought his gun fucked up.
things i just plain did not know because i’d only ever seen the bullet-eating panels and had never read the whole issue:
at this point they had already thrown a grenade and a torpedo at this man
later they’re going to shoot him point-blank and when he disappears they’ll assume they were just tripping balls and he was never there at all
questions and comments:
why does this restaurant give everyone chinese-looking outfits
Superman, the embodiment of American Values, the beacon of Conservatism and Americana.Being used to push a political agenda that is the complete opposite of who he is as a character.
Just to be expected. Superman the embodiment of conservative American values can’t be a conservative or believe in conservative values in today’s world.Because GOD FORBID Superman stand for something!
Rather than flowing with the tide of the liberals who own the rights to him!
Hey do you know who Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster are?
Superman’s very first story literally dubs him “Champion of the Oppressed.” He stops a wife beater from killing his wife and threatens a lobbyist.
Superman has literally never been a beacon of conservatism. Superman is meant to be an ideal. He’s aspirational. And he’s a goddamn immigrant created by two Jewish men who were the sons of immigrants.
Superman is not just a refugee, he’s an undocumented immigrant. Just because he’s white-passing and enjoys Ma Kent’s apple pie, that has never meant that he is not a refugee or an undocumented immigrant.
Though I hesitate to use the term because no human beings are illegal, he is quite literally an illegal alien.
Yeah, Space Moses is totally the champion of conservatism.
His arch enemy is a billionaire who later became President, for Rao’s sake.
Let us not forget the Of Gods and Monsters universe where he was adopted by Mexican immigrants instead of the Kents
superman is generally pretty good about having good posture and
maintaining his broadcast english but when he’s not careful clark has a
tendency to get a l’il bit drawly and hitch his thumbs in his pockets/belt/whatever
sometimes when he’s thinking he gnaws on his lip and drums on his hipbones and it’s very upsetting to watch quite frankly, what the hell clark, that’s not fair
he owns a lot of bootleg superman shirts because he thinks it’s funny but doesn’t wear them outside the house
the first time he bought eggs from the store he completely fucking smashed an egg to fucking pieces and freaked out because he thought maybe he didn’t know his own strength and ma had to tell him to find a fucking farmer’s market and get some real eggs. it took like twenty minutes on the phone to convince him that everyone who’s used to farm fresh eggs does that. your powers are fine, clark. those eggshells are just weak.
he is generally very careful about being a respectable role model as superman so he likes it when it’s just him and diana and bruce on missions because they know who he is and he can loosen up and act like a fucking dork.
he’s very vigilant about his dental hygiene because he doesn’t know if it’s even possible for him to get a cavity but WHAT THE FUCK WOULD HE EVEN DO IF IT WAS. HOW COULD HE EVEN GET IT FILLED. CAN YOU IMAGINE.
sometimes as a gag batman will shove superman’s shoulder and superman will tip over but one time batman does it near a canyon and not only does superman go along with it, he pretends to fall in and makes the ‘goofy falling off a cliff’ noise when he does it and batman nearly hurts himself trying not to laugh and he’s so fucking pissed that joke was so dumb goddamn it clark go fuck yourself
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