Okay, I know it’s really unlikely and unrealistic and what not but I don’t care
Just imagine: The Howling Commandos alive in modern times. Not through science or serums or cryofreeze, those stubborn assholes just won’t die. They are mildly crotchety old men who wave canes at family reunions and play bingo on weekends and still try to be involved with espionage whenever possible because their retirement home is just so BORING. (Whenever possible is limited to when Gabe and Peggy’s grandson Antoine and their niece Sharon bring them little pieces of ‘classified’ information and asking for advice, and it’s a far cry from their commando days but it’s something so they’ll take it. One more game of scrabble and someone is getting punched) (yes they are all in the same retirement home. Practically attached at the hips they are, especially now that most of the families have spread and moved onto their own lives.)
Then one day Sharon comes in, jittery and more excited than they’ve ever seen her and tells them that They. Found. Cap! Alive! That night the nurses find out that 90 year olds can still be as rowdy as twenty year olds if they are excited enough.
Golden haired fucker doesn’t visit them till after aliens invade New York and for that Dernier repeatedly sacks him upside the head with his cane when he does finally come. (They’d never missed being in the action so much as when they had to watch Cap on the tv, fighting fucking aliens without them to watch his six. And maybe they are a little jealous of these Avengers, but sue them, he was their Captain first.)
All is well, though the rest home gets a few interesting stories because even now they can convince Steve to do some ridiculous shit if they push hard enough. It’s entirely worth the property damage to see him grinning like he hasn’t since before Sarge fell. (And that’s still a gaping wound in all of them, especially now when they are almost all together again. But it’ll never be all of them because Bucky is never coming back)
Then DC happens and they see SHIELD fall on the news (HYDRA, fucking HYDRA the whole damn time and Gabe grips his chair so hard his knuckles turn white because where are Antione and Sharon, are they okay?) and most importantly they see a dead man trying to kill Steve and what the fucking FUCK!?
SARGE!?
WHAT THE HELL SARGE!?
Then hydra’s Intel hits the web and well.
Now it’s war. (It was before, but y’know. Fucking personal now, that’s their Sarge)
So they pour over every piece of Intel they can get their hands on (which is everything the black widow put out their because they may be old but they are the god damn Howling Commandos and their captain and their Sargent need them) and they pull up bases for Cap to tear apart. On her good days Peggy is on the phone helping them and it’s almost like old days and it’s the most purposeful they’ve felt in years
But their most important mission is finding Bucky and bringing him home. And like hell they are sitting this one out. Fuck that, that’s their boy out there somewhere. So they get their leads, they fear up as best they can and they set out. It really does feel like they old days then. Dugan still wears that damn hat and he still has that fucking mustauche. Monty still wears his beret and Dernier still shouldn’t be allowed near explosives (or maybe he should, if you ask Dugan his opinion.) and speaks mostly in French so he and Gabe can have private conversations just to annoy the others. Peggy makes them promise to bring him to visit her when they find him and sends along a letter addressed to Sargent Barnes of the Howling Commandos.
It takes a while, and Steve rants at them to get back to the home before something happens nearly every day on the phone but sorry cap technically we don’t need to take orders anymore, but finally they find him in some old safe house that really is a house in Europe.
Bucky looks out his window one day and see a group of old men standing on the walk staring at him and just feels confusion and familiarity and then – are those the men from the museum? Yes, yes they are! Holy shit it’s the fucking commandos! How are they here, they are ancient, what the fuck guys!?
He sneaks out the back and the chase begins.
They follow him across Europe yelling at him to come home every time they get close no matter who is around (to damn old for this shit, get your punk ass home you little fuck, don’t give a damn who can hear us) and Dernier keeps lecturing him in French. They nearly choke on their coffee the first time he responds in perfect French, something snarky and oh so Bucky and the fucker takes that opportunity to disappear into the crowd. Asshole.
There are close calls and sarcasm and somewhere along the line Morita shanks somebody and Gabe beans a hydra agent over the head with an IV pole and Dugan knocks another one out with his walker.
Just, ninety something year old howlies chasing Bucky across Europe and despite his winter soldier training managing to keep getting the drop on him.
This is still one of the best things I’ve ever come up with tbh
Story concept: an orphanage/group home for chosen ones whose families were killed by ~destiny~
It’s run by a chosen heroine whose adventure was 2 decades ago and the sweet team-mom healer from her team, who she has since married.
It’s mostly trope comedy with moments of real emotion, here are some ideas for kids:
—two teenaged boys who WERE barreling towards a tragic rivalry that ends in one of them falling to darkness… until one of them confessed that he was just trying to show off because he has a crush on the other one. They’re now dating and the comedy comes from the universe CONSTANTLY trying to get them to fight and failing.
—an eight year old who keeps tattling on the demons who are whispering to her and then getting into sibling fights with them
—a brooding, edgy fire-wielding boy and a brooding, edgy fire-wielding girl who can’t figure out which mystical signs belong to who
—like six kids named Hope who go by names like “Pink Hope”, “Hope the second” and “I’ve been told I’m not allowed to shorten my name to ‘Ho’ so I will now be going by Dick just to spite them”
IDK if I’m going to write this but it’s fun to worldbuild so here’s some more!
The two fire kids have a big age gap, with the girl being 10 and the boy being 17. They spend so much time together trying to untangle their destinies that they wind up developing a brother-sister relationship. The girl is one of the Hopes and the boy’s name is Fox, which results in the following exchange being commonplace.
A: so then Hope—
B: which Hope?
A: oh, baby fox.
Oh, character consolidation idea: Fox is also one of the boys who dodged a fatal rivalry, obviously being the ‘tempted to the dark side’ half of the equation. His full name is Foxglove, and his boyfriend’s name is Raven. Raven is the one to confess and Fox was so shocked he needed to sit down for like 5 minutes to re-evaluate his entire perspective on reality.
Fox is the EPITOME of “oh shit, I didn’t hate him, I was just gay.”
Fox two years ago: Whenever he laughs I get all sweaty and agitated, and that stupid ‘oh look at me I’m so handsome’ grin is so obnoxious it bothers me for hours after I have talk to the guy! God, Raven’s the worst.
Fox now: yeah, turns out the only thing I hated about Raven is that he wasn’t kissing me right that second
The owner’s wife is a subversion on the “cute, sweet, gentle healer love interest who dies in act 2” trope, and her name is Maribelle. She’s just under five feet tall and built like somebody replaced all her bones with toothpicks— she’s TINY.
She is also, as the villain discovered in spectacularly violent fashion when he kidnapped her, the most dangerous member of the party by far.
Because she ISN’T a cleric and she wasn’t using light magic at all. She uses raw magic, which is a rare talent for humans because it’s hard to control and tends to destroy the weirder before their enemies. Maribelle’s love for her friends was LITERALLY the source of her healing magic, because she uses her emotions to shape her spells.
On the other side of that, the emotions associated with trapping her and threatening to kill her girlfriend? She WRECKED him and took the whole hideout down in the process.
OKAY I named the woman who runs the place, her name is Summer!
A lot of people just know her as “the farner’s daughter” because her particular journey of heroics started with a prophecy that said a farmer’s eldest daughter would bring about the death of the tyrannical king. Which, uh, she did, except that it was Maribelle who killed the guy in Summer’s defense.
A prophet rolls in on wheely shoes with a starbucks Frappuccino: IT TECHNICALLY WASN’T WRONG!
Every time somebody refers to vampires as “draculas” I picture, like, a vampire suburb, and the Draculas are that one family that’s conspicuously wealthier than all the other families that everybody low-key hates. They roll up at a neighbourhood social and folks are like “oh, fuck, it’s the Draculas, okay, gotta play nice HEEEEEY VLAD!”
(The Draculas are, of course, embroiled in a long-running passive aggressive feud with the Wolfmans down the block. Naturally neither family would ever openly acknowledge it, but everyone knows.)
I realize the tags say werewolves, but it’s funnier to me if the Wolfmans are also vampires but because they’re sensitive about their name they’re really conspicuous about being vampiric, which is probably the source of the feud because conspicuous vampirism is the Draculas’ whole -deal-.
Maybe the Wolfmans are vampires who turn into wolves while every other family in the neighborhood turns into bats, and they’re really touchy about getting called werewolves behind their backs – which of course everybody does, because suburban vampires are just awful.
I mean, Dracula originally turned into a wolf just as much as a bat,
before pop culture shifted the public’s mental association closer to
bats.
That could also be a point of feud too.
The Draculas have a complicated relationship with the fact that their patriarch could transform into both a bat and a wolf. The neighborhood has quietly agreed to just avoid bringing it up in their presence.
So of course the Wolfmans bring it up constantly. Not, you know, as a topic for discussion or anything – it’s just downright uncanny how often that little fact seems to come up in passing!
The Wolfmans’ daughter is coming up on her Bat Mitzvah, and the jokes about it are gonna get someone FUCKING MAULED.
Why’s it always a goddamn mad wizard? I want to see other classes build dungeons.
The mad fighter’s dungeon, which is a tactical nightmare of Tucker’s Kobold proportions.
A mad sorcerer’s dungeon, which is like a wizard dungeon but she has to make it using only 15 spells so it’s kind of predictable and crap.
A mad bard’s dungeon, which is that giant floor piano from Big but as a puzzle. And there’s just a gynosphinx dishing out lame riddles. Ad naseum.
A barbarian’s dungeon, which is just a hole in the ground with spikes. And he’s just there.
A mad thief’s dungeon is one where you think you know what to expect – whirring blades, narrow walkways, treasure chests rigged to explode. But it seemed like a pretty bland dungeon at first – just endlessly curving passageways carved into rock with the occassional security spell to bypass. It was weird, but nothing that an entire party of adventurers would have trouble with.
You break through the steel wall encasing what you thought was the mastermind’s lair, and realise that the thief isn’t there – it’s the city bank’s vault!
Your spells and weapons have carved a path from the dungeon entrance out in the woods all the way here, and the mad thief has been making Hide checks every few minutes to stealth alongside the party every step of the way, emerging only to claim the loot for themselves. The treasure vanishes before your very eyes, just in time for the bank’s guards to open the vault and see your party awkwardly standing around.
A theif’s dungeon would be the worst. The one who goes in and disarms the traps? Yeah, that’s the guy that knows how to make the traps impossible to disarm, the locks uncrackable, the poison darts murderous.
I couldn’t come up with a thief’s dungeon joke, because every other class is a tresspasser in the dungeon. The rogue is the dungeoneer. It’s the ol’ briar patch, and if you hear of a dungeon made by a retired assassin or thief, do not go near it.
The mad Druids dungeon- It’s just a hell forest. No paths, no markers, no way to find were anything is besides remembering which tree you’ve past and unless you know the forest by heart or can ask that sparrow for directions good luck. Even if you could speak to them, the druid has been spreading rumors amoungst the wildlife that you and your party have come to destroy their home, so all the wild beast are hostile and you’re too busy being chased by wolves and bears to find your way around.
I don’t know what the mad monk’s dungeon looks like but the monk looks like this
This is a really good point to bring up because monks tend to opperate in ways so outside the norm for most D&D classes that dungeon made by a high-level monk for a high-level monk would be exhausting for anyone else to deal with. Hope you have full-party spider-climb or flight, you unenlightened chucklefucks
hes just chilling in his zen garden, you say ‘hi’ and then he starts punching you while reciting koan
Ok how about a Sci fi universe in which no sapient alien race we’ve ever met is even slightly shaped like us, but almost all of them are familiar with a very superficially humanoid pest that has accidentally spread to hundreds of worlds, and physical contact with it is sickening or even deadly depending on the species.
Almost every race seems to agree they’re the grodiest, creepiest, crawliest, nastiest vermin to ever exist and that we humans TOTALLY look EXACTLY like them. A lot of beings get nauseous just looking at us and are scared shitless of touching us.
So of course we would turn out to be one of the rare species immune to their poison, and due to our similar outline, the little things instinctively imprint on us, follow us around and will defend us if we’re under attack, as they normally would for the eldest of their swarm.
The human species unavoidably goes down in infamy as the spookiest civilization in the galaxy; the equivalent to a race of terrifying, giant space bugs with mysterious bug powers.
Things that might happen in this scenario:
Some humans find the comparison really insulting and fight back against the stigma.
Various disguise suits are developed that allow a human to look cuter
and less threatening or even closely mimic a variety of sentient species.
Other humans embrace our scariness because it keeps us safe.
Either way we find the little things SUPER cute.
Their popularity on Earth is just through the damn roof, they are practically our mascot.
We find out it’s even easier to command them if we dress to match their color.
We name a hairstyle after them, imitating their spiky heads.
We befriend some of the other “creepiest” misfit races because we have this to bond over and can mutually protect one another. The idea of us all manning a starship together is an interplanetary horror cliche similar to a haunted house.
okay but surely some of the alien races would find humans attractive exactly bc of the horroristing qualities
alien monster fuckers surely exist
Yeah every now and then you take off your suit and reveal your hideous mutant bug body swarming with vermin and do your best impression of their chittering (that really freaks them out) but the space jelly is just like “AW YEAH JACKPOT!” which is great if you’re a monster fucker yourself but you still might want to keep a tazer or something on you.
Compromise: hobbits smoke both & lump them together as ‘pipeweed’
u never kno what ur gonna get when a hobbit offers u some “pipeweed”
‘pipeweed’ in the Shire just means ‘herbs u can smoke in a pipe’ and it’s common knowledge that there are pipeweeds that are smooth & relaxing to smoke and pipeweeds that’ll get you stoned and they know which is which.
For whatever reason only tobacco caught on outside the Shire so middle earth’s other smokers just took to calling it pipeweed bcos that’s what the hobbits they bought it from called it.
I want a game that’s basically a survival horror setup but your duty is to safely trap and transport the monsters to a nice humane sanctuary because, hey, they still used to be people and animals you know, it doesn’t really seem right to just storm in and blow them up when we don’t even know exactly how conscious they are or even how permanent their mutations might be.
I’d play the shit out of Resident Evil: Animal Control
One day, you get a knock on your door. When you open it, you see the protagonist from your favorite book standing there, wide-eyed. “I know you won’t believe me,” they say, “but you’re the main character of my favorite book. I know how it ends and I’m here to change it.”
“Oh thank god, my life is really spiraling out of control lately” you say, relieved
Harry Potter pulls out a handgun “I think you misunderstand the point of this visit”
A haunted doll mistaking a creepy android to be a bigger, stronger, haunted doll, and the creepy android mistaking the haunted doll as a smaller, sassier android.
Android: [gets hit with rain water and short circuits] Haunted Doll: H̷O̷L̴Y̷ ̶W̵A̷T̸E̷R̶ ̵W̴A̵T̴C̵H̴ ̶O̶U̷T̴
Haunted Doll, dying: N̶E̵E̸D̷ ̷S̸O̵U̵L̸S̷ Android: [opens the haunted doll’s back and replaces the batteries] Haunted Doll: A̶C̶C̷E̷P̸T̶A̷B̸L̵E̴ ̷S̴U̴B̸S̵T̸I̷T̷U̴T̵E̴
Android: [transfers their data into a better body] Haunted Doll: A̸ ̵F̴L̸A̷W̵L̷E̴S̵S̷ ̷B̶O̸D̶Y̵ ̷P̶O̵S̶S̵E̷S̶S̵I̷O̷N̴
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