im really losing my shit thinking about vulcan childrens music and television. who could forget such hits as “3 is an appropriate number” and “walking in the street could lead to maiming or death”
the vulcan equivalent of the wiggles is just 3 normally dressed individuals reciting multiplication tables in unison
Speaking as someone with very little knowledge of Star Trek – I’ve seen like three episodes from random versions and I read Spock’s World – I violently disagree with this.
Even before I had such minimal knowledge as I do now, I thought that “vulcan” was a very appropriate word for them. It’s not that they don’t have emotions, if anything they have more than humans, they just run hard and deep, like volcanoes. You don’t want that thing to erupt.
So I imagine vulcan children’s TV is much like Sesame Street. Here is a muppet with anger issues! He spilled his milk and it made him ANGRY!!! Here comes someone dressed in completely normal clothes to say yes, that was indeed unfortunate, but anger is an irrational response to such a thing and not in keeping with the teachings of Surak; let us now explore different forms of meditation as emotional control, one of which includes three normally dressed individuals reciting multiplication tables in unison.
Tag: writing ideas
Look out!
Okay, so you know how canonically the cops were fairly down on Spider-Man, and back when he was a high-schooler it probably wasn’t that hard to figure out he was a teenager because he has never, not once, in his entire life known how to budget his fucking time?
Can you imagine one of his second-rate villains being a local truant officer who starts chasing him every time he’s out spider-manning during school hours? Which is super inconvenient, because he’s only out spider-manning during school hours during real emergencies? And the officer’s superiors start reading them the riot act because they’re a fucking truant officer, how are they finding themselves in the middle of so many bank robberies and mutant-lizard attacks and supervillain fights?
But they’re too obsessed to let it go, and their cubicle just turns into this ludicrous wall o’ bonkers with maps of Spider-Man sightings and school schedules and absentee reports and everyone’s like “Ha ha, making any progress yet?” and they’re like “Ten percent of the school-aged population is out on any given day, how does anyone in this city even graduate.”
Like, their quest to narrow the pool of Spider-Man suspects starts generating honest-to-god reductions in missed school days because there have been so many case studies and experiments on how to get kids back in school, leading to even more weird accolades because this officer cares and this officer’s a hero and the officer’s just like “I just need to find out who Spider-Man is, because then I can go yell at his parents because he’s not in school” and that’s why they’re no longer allowed to give speeches when they accept rewards for this stuff.
Then one day they put in for a transfer and everyone’s shocked, because they’ve been so good for the city, they’ve really gone above and beyond, but I guess burn-out had to happen sometime, huh.
Only it’s because the math says there’s no way in hell Spider-Man could still be in school, so there’s no point in chasing him, he can do whatever he wants during school hours. And that’s what they lived for for so long that now that it’s gone, their heart’s just not in it anymore.
Cue dispirited montage of the officer just writing parking tickets and shuffling aimlessly through their lives and everything’s getting grayer and sadder and duller until they whip out their book to write a ticket, look up, and see the Spider-Mobile in all its tacky crimson glory parked on the side of the fucking library.
A concept: An adventuring party made entirely of people of one race disguised as people of another. The disguises are really bad, like the “dwarf” is just a halfling with a fake beard, the “orc” is an elf with body paint and novelty teeth, and the dragonborn is just three goblins in a trenchcoat- but none of them have any experience with any of the races in question and are trying not to draw attention to their own disguises, so all of them are fully prepared to accept any oddity on the part of their party members.
The halfling, having just been caught taking off their beard in private so they can breathe: ….this is normal for dwarves
The goblins, who were looking for somewhere private that they can crawl out of the trenchcoat: Acceptable, have a nice dayHalfling: Friend orc, I don’t mean to alarm you, but the green appears to be coming off of your skin. Onto my hand.
Elf: I. Have a skin condition.
Halfling, discreetly adjusting their beard: Acceptable, have a nice dayGoblins: -arguing among themselves about whose turn it is to be on top of the stack-
Halfling and Elf:
Goblin in the middle: What, haven’t you ever heard a dragonborn argue?
Halfling and Elf: Acceptable, have a nice day
Someone requested a doodle of “some of the Dominion’s anti-human propaganda” but tbh this is too real outside of star trek. this is probably plastered over the entire Citadel in Mass Effect
*dies laughing* @genevievedarcygranger @vizhi0n @lucifers-trash-stash
so in the 800 times they got reset, there’s been some Chidi/Eleanor, some Eleanor/Tahani, and some Tahani/Jason.
So there’s… a non-zero chance that there was some Chidi/Jason going on at some point.
And to be honest, all I can imagine is, like, it’s a timeline where for some reason Jason kept quiet for a lot longer so Chidi finds himself attracted to this wise, calm, silent monk that just listens while Chidi rants about the problems he’s facing….
and then one day Jason opens his mouth.
Ten crates
1. You break the stack of crates. Nothing is behind them. When you return to the scene, a bored police officer is taking notes. You feign ignorance regarding any recent acts of vandalism in the area. Later on the crate company installs cctv and puts up a misleading sticker about guard dogs.
2. You open the giant crate. It contains an apple. You send a strongly-worded letter to the authorities about pacakaging efficiency. Future crates are delivered at a more appropriate size for their contents. Now nobody can climb on a crate to get over things unless they have ordered a patio table set, and secret entrances hidden behind crates can only be entered by mice. Patio table set sales skyrocket, and a number of small cafes are set up in difficult-to-climb regions with the excess stock.
3. You smash the crate. Behind it you find a fork-lift truck. Behind the fork-lift truck you find a fork-lift truck operator making a phone call on her break. Behind the fork-lift truck operator you find the entrance to the warehouse. You realise that you are not a fantasy hero after all. Time to get back to work and hope nobody notices the damage.
4. You break the crate. Inside are fifty plastic dinosaur multipack toys. You sit and play with the dinosaurs for a little while. It replenishes fifty percent of your health and increases your knowledge of plastic dinosaur anatomy by two points, which will come in handy in the final battle.
5. You push the crate to the wall and climb on top of it. On top of the crate you find the words ‘this way up’ and ‘handle with care’ stamped in black ink. The crate is not that way up. A red liquid slowly seeps from one of the bottom corners. Two hundred punnets of strawberries quite ruined.
6. You are a crate manufacturer. You raise questions about the sustainability of your operations in fantastic realms. Not only does each crate have a limited lifespan, but because of no logging rules in fantastic realms all of the wood used in making the crates is imported from non-fantastic realms. Also, it is uncertain who is paying you. You abandon the fantastic arm of your business due to cashflow issues. Evil overlords everywhere rejoice.
7. You hit the crate with an axe. The crate says ‘ow’. It is a crate from the land of the talking trees. You apologise profusely and offer to carry the crate to tree hospital. At the tree hospital there is a long queue of crates accompanied by people like you. You feel ashamed. A few weeks later, a motion is debated in the tree parliament about the danger from axe hooligans and a task force is established.
8. You reach the hall of the evil overlord. In a stunning twist of fate, the evil overlord is a giant crate. The overlord uses its anger about your callous treatment of its people to focus its magic powers. It becomes undefeatable.
9. Your job is to follow the chosen one with your specially-modified van, replacing any crates they might happen to break once a suitable time period has passed. One day there is flooding at the depot and your usual delivery does not come through. You leave the van parked by your first stop while you phone head office to try and sort this out. The chosen one comes by and takes an axe to your van. You quit, and the dented van becomes an easter egg. Next easter, thousands of children recieve a van instead of the chocolate they were expecting. But by this time you have hit upon an alternative business smuggling health replenishment materials to non-fantastic realms and you have quite forgotten your former work.
10. You go the wrong way until you reach the edge of the world. You hit the edge of the world with an axe. Gradually, you knock a hole in it. Now that the light is shining in, you can see that you were in fact inside a giant crate. A whole new bigger brighter world awaits you on the outside.
More favourite weirdly specific tropes:
- Protagonist is forced to go to a big gnarly monster for help. Though the monster is indeed huge and creepy, apart from its disconcertingly abrupt manner of speaking and its utter lack of any concept of personal space it never says or does anything particularly threatening, and readily agrees to help. It’s genuinely unclear whether it actually eats people or whether it just has a scary reputation.
- Protagonist is forced to go to a big gnarly monster for help. The monster is legitimately threatening and roughs the protagonist up, but before anything too bad can befall them, they accidentally name-drop a parent, spouse or other relation – whereupon the monster goes “that name is… not unknown to us” and agrees to help with no further screwing about. The audience never does find out what the backstory is there.
- Protagonist is forced to go to a big gnarly monster for help. The monster proves to have the personality of a grumpy but harmless elder, and agrees to help only after much fussing and cajolery. When the time finally comes for it to render the promised assistance, it does so with apocalyptic force, and the protagonist has a little nervous breakdown as they realise “oh, shit, I called that a brat to its face?”.
good tropes op
A single mom moves into a new apartment with her young son, only to find out it’s inhabited by a poltergeist. At first she’s spooked, but comes to realize that the poltergeist is helping to raise her son.
I’d watch it.
It’s like ‘The Others’, except that everyone just kind of… gets used to seeing each other. There are two families sharing one house, and okay, one family is a bit dead, but they’re all figuring things out as they go and it’s super handy to have a spare parent or two around.
*
“Mom, I’m home!”
“She’s out shopping, go do your homework.”
“Aunt Ingrid, they didn’t even HAVE homework when you were alive, why are you BUGGING me – “
“When I was alive we churned butter instead of our mother going to the store to buy it, do you want to learn how to churn butter?”
“Fine, okay, homework it is.”
*
“David, don’t walk through the walls.”
“Opening the door is too hard.”
“Then walk through the DOOR like your sister. Respect the conventions at least.”
“Fiiiiiinnne…”
*
“Mom, what are you doing?”
“Fixing the fence.”
“Uncle Roger, are you possessing my mom?”
“We tried just having me tell her how to do it, but it was taking too long and she got frustrated.”
“It’s WEIRD, though.”
“Do you want to do this?”
“No, I – “
“Too late. Come and learn how to fix this. You’re the man of the house now.”
“NOBODY SAYS THAT ANY MORE, UNCLE ROGER.”
*
“Did you have a fight with David?”
“No.”
“Then why are you both making that face?”
“There’s no FACE.”
“That’s what he said.”
“We didn’t have a FIGHT, okay…”
“Aunt Ingrid is worried, she says he’s been moping all morning. He’s barely visible half the time.”
“Look, we didn’t have a fight, I just asked him how he died and then it got weird.”
“STEVE YOU DO NOT ASK PEOPLE HOW THEY DIED THAT IS SO RUDE.”
“Mom, it came up, okay, it wasn’t just out of nowhere!”
“YOU APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW.”
*
“Steve! David! Isobel! Who broke this vase?”
“Meteor did it.”
“It was not the dog! Which one of you was throwing things in the house?”
“No, really, Mom, it was Meteor.”
“And how did the dog get up on the mantlepiece?”
“Uh…”
“ISOBEL WERE YOU LEVITATING THE DOG AGAIN?”
*
“This is completely inaccurate.”
“Roger…”
“I mean, look at those clothes. I’ve never seen *anyone* dressed like that.”
“They weren’t very careful about accurate costuming in these old movies.”
“I read ALL the Sherlock Holmes stories when they were first published and I ASSURE you he was a GENTLEMAN, not like – “
“Roger, will you just let us watch the moving pictures in peace?”
“But they’re WRONG.”
“We don’t care. Shush.”
*Roger mutters about bossy women and levitates popcorn*
*
“Steve, what happened to your face?”
“I got into a fight.”
“I would surmise from your bruises that you lost.”
“I always lose.”
“Oh, we can’t have that! Come, I will teach you the manly art of fisticuffs.”
“ROGER NO.”
*
“Aunt Ingrid, can you teach me how to make pie?”
“Of course I can… why? I know boys do a lot of things now that girls used to, I understand that, but why pie?”
“I like pie.”
“I can make you a pie if you just want to eat pie.”
“… Ava likes pie too.”
“That girl who lives down the street?”
“Yeah…”
“Then I’ll help you make the pie. What kind?”
“She likes cherry.”
This is beautiful. I love it!
The real reason Harry became an auror was because it was the best way to spend the rest of his life destroying dark wizards with extremely brutal one liners
#that makes sense; they’re dark wizards he can be as savage as he pleases #no restraints just brutal smackdowns that’ll haunt them at 3 am forever #the junior aurors think he’s tough on THEM; but they learn on mission 1 with him #they come back shaking like HOLY SHIT; I just saw Potter DESTROY a man #their friends go: what literally #junior auror: I was caught in the blast radius #ja: and now I need to rethink all my life choices just to be safe holy shit (x)
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